Clyde's Movie Palace

Airport 1975 (1975)

2011-08-06T03:05:00.000-07:00

Directed by Jack Smight

starring
Charlton Heston
Karen Black
George Kennedy
Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
Susan Clark
Helen Reddy
Linda Blair
Mryna Loy
Gloria Swanson
Sid Caesar
Christopher Norris
Roy Thinnes
Erik Estrada
Jerry Stiller
Larry Storch
Nancy Olsen
Ed Nelson

I have sincere sympathy for deceased Director Jack Smight. He departed this planet for parts unknown having achieved the dubious distinction of directing two of the sloppiest big budget productions ever pasted onto celluloid. One film was something called Damnation Alley. I don't know if you've ever seen Damnation Alley, but it should be required viewing especially for both science fiction film and Mystery Science Theater buffs who love bad cinema. The film is entertaining for setting a new level of ineptitude in the Science Fiction genre (for a big budget production), and has developed a cult following attributed totally to its cinematic worthlessness and lack of availability on your medium of choice.

My first encounter with Damnation Alley was when it played as the second feature at a drive-in back in the 70's when I was on my first date with a young lady. I can't tell you her name, not because of any sense of decorum, but I simply can't remember it. I still remember Damnation Alley though. What does this mean? Probably nothing, maybe something, but I throw it up there anyway for you to mull over and dissect. Maybe if my date had made a bad movie I'd remember her as well. Anyway, I'm putting the cart before the horse, because Alley hit the screen a full two years after Smight's other big screen nightmare, Airport 1975.

Having made a tidy little sum on the original Airport (from this point on to be known as Airport: The Beginning), and urged on by the success of other disaster films such as The Poseidon Adventure, Producer Jennings Lang decided to slap this concoction together from a tv movie script and sell it as a sequel to the Airport: The Beginning. But unlike most sequels, instead of calling it Airport II (or Airport 2: The Big Hole in the Plane if you prefer), Lang decided to use the year of the release date as a subtitle, perhaps to disassociate it from Airport: The Beginning and Hailey's novel as much as possible. Or quite possibly he did it to let us know it wasn't a real sequel or a continuation of anything that happened in the original film. It doesn't matter though, because once you have viewed Airport 1975, there is absolutely no way possible that you could associate it with the original, even if the screenwriter does give Joe Patroni a promotion, a new airliner to work for, and a new wife (well sort of, maybe, not really).

But as it is with each tacky Airport movie, we spend less and less time at an actual airport and more time in the air (or as in the case of Airport 1977, underwater But that's a review for a later date.). Having blown most of the budget of the first film on an all star A List cast, Universal and Lang opted to go with Charlton Heston as its one big star, and to bring back George Kennedy to rehash his role as the aforementioned Joe Patroni. After that the cast is pretty much a cinematic goulash of has beens, game show celebrities, TV stars, up and coming actresses, starlets, one Grammy winning female pop singer, and one exorcized teenage girl in need of a kidney transplant.

Charlton Heston plays Alan Murdoch, an airline executive/pilot whose main hobby seems to be male chauvinist pilot pig first class. He makes Dean Martin's Vern Demerest in Airport: The Beginning seem like a sweet puppy by comparison.

In the opening of the film, which is also quite a comedown from Airport: The Beginning, we get to watch Stewardess Nancy Pryor played by Karen Black, walk, walk, walk, and walk some more through an airport as the credits roll and some crappy elevator music (courtesy of composer John Cacavas who seems to have made a career out of composing generic crappy tv scores) plays in the background endlessly. At the end of her never ending airport journey, she falls into the arms of Murdoch, they kiss, and then we get to find out how much of a shit he really is. Murdoch makes it perfectly clear that he likes having Pryor around, but only when he can find time to shack up with her at the nearest hotels available whenever their paths cross. She wants a more permanent relationship, he wants one that doesn't go beyond using up whatever condoms he might happen to have on hand.

In Airport 1975, the main plot this time around centers around what happens when a small aircraft and a jumbo jet collide. Producer Lang decided the hole in Airport: The Beginning wasn't dramatic enough or big enough so for this film they move it to the front of the plane, make it somewhat larger, and just for good measure have the co-pilot, Urias (Roy Thinnes), sucked through it. Since the pilot, Captain Stacy (Efrem Zimbalist Jr.), is gravely wounded and since the flight engineer Julio (Erik Estrada) also takes a quick trip to Judgment City, it is left up to Head Stewardess Nancy Pryor to pilot the jet. Too bad for the passengers, worst luck for us.

We also have several actors who dusted off the old acting cobwebs to take flight on the doomed 747. These would include Gloria Swanson, Myrna Loy, Dana Andrews, and Sid Caesar. Gloria Swanson plays a passenger by the name of Gloria Swanson. No, folks that's not a typo. She's playing herself and worse yet, writing her autobiography by constantly dictating into a tape recorder. I think she really did write a book about herself but after watching this film I was never inclined to read it.

Myrna Loy is aboard as a passenger who drinks boilermakers. She does it so that we can see the reaction of character actors like Sid Caesar (You Show of Shows), Conrad Janis (Mork and Mindy) and Norman Fell (Three's Company). It's supposed to be funny I suppose, but you should follow this rule of thumb for Airport 1975: If it's supposed to be humorous chances are it won't be, if it's supposed to be dramatic you'll roll on the floor laughing. As for poor Dana Andrews, at least he's fortunate enough to be piloting his own small plane and doesn't have to become involved with the rest of these ass clowns, not to mention that he has the good sense to bow out early along with Thinnes and Estrada.

Then we have the two actors who thought this film would be a career advancement after having received good notices for other performances. One was Christopher Norris who was unforgettable in Summer of '42 as a slutty teenager and not bad as a pregnant young lass in the TV film Mr. and Mrs. Bo Jo Jones. Here she plays wide eyed, very blonde, and supposedly naive stewardess Bette.

Norris portrays Bette as if she is a fifteen year old high school freshman just learning the ways of the world. As a matter of fact, her character is only eighteen or nineteen (it is mentioned that she is a "teenager" so we can surmise it has to be one or the other) and I half expected her to go be-bopping up and down the aisles wearing an ipod except they weren't invented yet. But her main job here is to go up to the cockpit every once in a while while Stewardess Pryor is piloting the plane and offer moral support with long anguished gazing. This movie seems to have cornered the market on long anguished glances.

Also present is Linda Blair as Janice Abbot, who after having been put through the wringer by Satan in The Exorcist, and on top of that had female inmates commit mop handle atrocities (or was it a broom?) on her in the TV film Born Innocent, decided to take a less demanding role. Here Blair plays a young gal being flown out to L.A. to have a kidney transplant. Her major acting requirement for the role is to lie back, look sweet for a while, look longingly at her guitar that she doesn't know how to play, and then look gravely ill. As it turns out, it's all the same plastered on goofy look for each scene so you'll never know for sure if she's really really happy, or if she's just about ready to keel over and kick the bucket. I kept rooting for Satan to make another appearance and have her spit pea soup all over Sister Ruth.

Then there's George Kennedy reprising his role of Joe Patroni. He's pretty much the same as he was in the Airport: The Beginning only with sillier dialog brought on by the fact that along with everybody else he now has to look tense, tormented, and let's not forget anguished, because his wife is on board the 747 with the big hole in the cockpit. As for said wife, she's lobbied for a bigger part in this film and a name change to boot.

In a strange set of circumstances Petroni's wife is now called Helen instead of Marie, and she is now played by Susan Clark and has their kid in tow, Joe Jr., with her for this film. Maybe Ms. Clark didn't like the name Marie and lobbied for a script change. Maybe he got divorced and remarried and had a kid in the five years since Airport: The Beginning. The problem with this idea though is that the kid looks to be about fourteen. But maybe the kid is from Petroni's first marriage. Maybe they thought we wouldn't notice. Who knows, as it is never really explained sufficiently and it shall remain one of the great mysteries of Airport 1975.

Then there's the case of Helen Reddy. She makes her big screen debut here as Sister Ruth, The Singing Nun. The good Sister is on hand solely to provide us with a musical number which she herself wrote called Best Friend and to exchange long, knowing empty and of course anguished gazes with kidney transplant patient Janice while Janice's mother, Mrs. Abbot (Nancy Olson) looks on endearingly anguished-of course. We know Sister Ruth is going to sing before it happens though for some very obvious reasons. The first of course is because she is after all, Helen Reddy the singer, and the writers didn't give her an airline ticket so she could demonstrate her dramatic prowess. The second reason is that director Smight keeps giving us long long zooming close ups of the guitar that Linda Blair lugs onto the plane, and we know Blair isn't going to sit up and belt out Give My Regards To Broadway any time soon.

If you've seen the movie Airplane, the whole moment was lampooned expertly in that film so you should know what I'm talking about. Amazingly, Reddy managed to wrangle a Golden Globe for her non performance as Most Promising Newcomer, (after her big musical number she practically disappears from the film. But that's a good thing) an award that ranks up there with the one Pia Zadora received for Butterfly. Now you know why they don't give that award out any more.

Karen Black's portrayal of Nancy sure doesn't help things much and after a while, her annoying whining might even flip you over to Alan Murdoch's point of view. I've never seen facial expressions put on the screen such as the ones Karen Black uses in this film. You can almost here director Smight in the background coaxing her on, "look worried, now look upset, now look anguished, now look tormented, more anguish, Karen, more anguish." Huge chunks of this film are nothing but looks of agonized anguish emanating from Black's face. No wonder Alan Murdock doesn't want to be seen with her in public.

In Airport: The Beginning, each cast member had their own story line. In Airport 1975, this cast is brought aboard to do nothing but act, react and scream a lot during every single crisis. "We've just hit another plane!" (AHHHHHHHHH! We're all going to die!) There's a big hole in the plane! (AHHHHHHH! We're all going to die!) The co-pilot got sucked out! (AHHHHHHHH! We're all going to die!) The pilot is blind! (AHHHHHHHHH! We're all going to die!) The stewardess is piloting the plane! (AHHHHHHHHH! We're all going to die!) The engine is leaking gasoline! (AHHHHHHHHH! We're all going to die!) Sister Ruth is picking up the guitar to sing again! (AHHHHHHHHH! Please God, kill us all!)

There are some really remarkable scenes in this film. For instance, although there is a big hole in the side of the plane, when Karen Black is in the cockpit, her hair hardly blows around at all. It's as if she's filming a commercial for the latest hair conditioning product. (Even with a big hole in the plane, your hair will stay so healthy and happy you'll hardly notice the dead flight engineer laying nearby). But the one line that puts me in hysterics every time is when Petroni talks to Helen over the radio and asks how Captain Stacy is doing. Her answer? "He's in Pain." No shit, Helen.

You'll also get a kick out of Gloria Swanson's super deluxe heavy duty make up job trying to convince us she really wasn't in her seventies. But by the end of the film, as you listen to her narrate her tedious biography endlessly into a cassette recorder, you'll be wishing somebody would throw her sorry old cryptkeeper ass and her damn recorder out of the big hole in the plane. Certainly her secretary/assistant looks as if she would love to do it.

I would also nominate this film for the most outlandish use of the color purple. I'm talking intense, brilliant, purple used in the interior of the aircraft. It is outstanding. Maybe they should have called it Airport II: The Color Purple.

Edith Head did design the costumes for this film just as she did for Airport: The Beginning, and I must say that at least the uniforms for this film aren't quite as tacky as those for the Airport: The Beginning. But early in the film, you can marvel at the secret agent undercover detective garb being worn by both Black and Norris as they walk into the airport. It's a hoot.

I could go on and on and on and on about this film but I urge you to watch and see it all for yourself. Nothing I write will truly prepare you for what you will experience. Yeah, it's a crappy film. And yeah, I'm giving it my special poo poo on you award. But now that you have been clued in on what to look for, you can invite your friends over and have a really swell time. Then again, forget that. You might want to keep what friends you have. None the less, Airport 1975 joins our growing list of poo poo winners such as RV, Norbit, and The Hills Have Eyes 2. Universal can put that award in its trophy case along with anything the film may have received for being inducted into the Razzie Hall of Shame in 1983 not to mention Linda Blair's Worst Career Acheivement award. Move to the head of the class.

13 Frightened Girls (1963)

2010-03-28T00:38:00.001-07:00

Starring
Kathy Dunn
Murray Hamilton
Lynne Sue Moon
Hugh Marlowe
Khigh Dheigh
Norma Varden
Joyce Taylor

Produced and Directed by
William Castle

As I mentioned in my review of the film Carrie, there are some memories of your first viewing of a film that stick with you forever. But there is one caveat to that. As you get older, the further back in your childhood that you go, the more your memories become a bit cloudy. Let's take today's movie, 13 Frightened Girls as an example.

The film itself is one I remember very well, although. I also remember having originally seen it at a drive-in, probably as the second half of a double feature. But I couldn't tell you for sure what drive in movie theater it was. But I distinctly remember that when we were told that we were going to the drive-in to see 13 Frightened Girls, the title conjured up pictures of ghosts, horrors, and sexy girls in constant jeopardy. This of course was well before the dawn of the slasher era brought on by the likes of Halloween and Friday the 13th. There was no rating system at that, but even the worst films would garner a PG rating by today's standards.

Needless to say I didn't know who William Castle was in the early sixties seeing as how I was all of......well let's just say I was very young and there was no such animal as the internets. Things like producers, directors, screenwriters, cinematographers, didn't exactly weigh heavily on my mind back in those days. As it turned out, except for The Old Dark House which I saw as part of a double feature at the Columbia Theater (see my Carrie review for more reminiscing about that) I saw most of Castle's other films on the late show on Friday or Saturday night which was when most of the Horror Films ran on local stations. This list would include films such as The Tingler, House on Haunted Hill, Macabre, Straight Jacket (with Joan Crawford), and of course I Saw What You Did, a film which not only enticed kids to play on the phone just for fun, but to warn them of the consequences at the same time. No boys and girls, there was no such thing as caller ID or cell phones.

Having only watched these films on a small black and white television in the sixties, or even more recently on a big screen via DVD, I never had the chance to experience first hand all the gimmicks Castle used in his films to get people out their living rooms and to head downtown to the local cinema. If one were to try to explain exactly what it was that William Castle did beyond producing and directing, it would be to describe him as the P.T. Barnum of low budget films. Castle didn't believe in just making the films, he was also the ultimate movie showman, selling and promoting his films with whatever gimmicks he could come up with. And he had a Santa Claus bag full of them.

From Wikipedia:

Macabre (1958)

A certificate for a $1,000 life insurance policy from Lloyd's of London was given to each customer in case he/she should die of fright during the film. Showings also had fake nurses stationed in the lobbies and hearses parked outside the theater.

House on Haunted Hill (1959)

Filmed in "Emergo". An inflatable glow in the dark skeleton attached to a wire floated over the audience during the final moments of some showings of the film to parallel the action on the screen when a skeleton arose from a vat of acid and pursued the villainous wife of Vincent Price.

The Tingler (1959)

Filmed in "Percepto". In the film a docile creature that lives in the spinal cord is activated by fright, and can only be destroyed by screaming. In the film's finale one of the creatures removed from the spine of a mute woman killed by it when she was unable to scream is let loose in a movie theatre. Some seats in theatres showing the Tingler were equipped with larger versions of the hand-held joy buzzers attached to the underside of the seats. When the Tingler in the film attacked the audience the buzzers were activated as a voice encouraged the real audience to "Scream - scream for your lives."

13 Ghosts (1960)

Filmed in "Illusion-O". A hand held ghost viewer/remover with strips of red and blue cellophane was given out to use during certain segments of the film. By looking through either the red or blue cellophane the audience was able to either see or remove the ghosts if they were too frightening

Homicidal (1961)

This film contained a "Fright break" with a 45 second timer overlaid over the film's climax as the heroine approached a house harboring a sadistic killer. A voiceover advised the audience of the time remaining in which they could leave the theatre and receive a full refund if they were too frightened to see the remainder of the film.

Mr. Sardonicus (1961)

In this gothic tale set in 1880 London a baron's face is frozen into a permanent grotesque hideous smile after digging up his father's grave to retrieve a lottery ticket left in the pocket of his father's jacket. The audiences were allowed to vote in a "punishment poll" during the climax of the film - Castle himself appears on screen to explain to the audience their options. Each member of the audience was given a card with a glow in the dark thumb they could hold either up or down to decide if Mr. Sardonicus would be cured or die during the end of the film. Supposedly, no audience ever offered mercy so the alternate ending was never screened.

Zotz! (1962)

Each patron was given a "Magic" (gold colored plastic) coin which, of course, did absolutely nothing.

Strait-Jacket (1964)

Joan Crawford. Advised by his financial backers to eliminate gimmicks, Castle hired Crawford to star and sent her on a promotional tour to theatres. At the last minute, Castle had cardboard axes made and handed out to patrons.

I Saw What You Did (1965)

The film was initially promoted using giant plastic telephones but after a rash of prank phone calls and complaints, the telephone company refused Castle permission to use them or mention telephones. So he turned the back rows of theatres into "Shock Sections". Seat belts were installed to keep patrons from being jolted from their chairs in fright.

Bug (1975)

Castle advertised a million-dollar life insurance policy taken out on the film's star, "Hercules" the cockroach.

(For a more detailed description of these devices, use this Wikipedia link)

But despite that, and despite the fact that most of these so called enhancements were more Castle bravado then anything else, of the Castle films I have seen most acquit themselves quite well just as horror films.

As for 13 Frightened Girls, Castle wanted to search the world over until he found true love......well at least until he found what he thought were the 13 most beautiful girls in the world to star in his next movie picture. Did he succeed in his endeavor? Well, do you know the old saying about beauty being in the eye of the beholder? In other words, they're not Frankenstein's Bride by any stretch of the imagination but no more mesmerizing than the girls in your nearest county fair beauty pageant. But I'll let you be the judge. I give you the Thirteen Frightened Girls

So you were expecting a bikini swimsuit competition or something? And yeah, the old gal in the middle is not one of Castle's discoveries and you may in fact recognize her as character actress Norma Vardan who played the Von Trapp Housekeeper in The Sound of Music. In this film she is the Miss Pittford of Miss Pittford's Academy for Young Ladies.

If you took the time to count the rest of the girls, (and I know damn good and well you didn't until I just now mentioned it) you'll see that they add up to fifteen, not thirteen. That's because two of the girls are just regular ordinary actors and not part of Castle's beauty queen search. One of them is Lynne Sue Moon as Red Chinese Student Mai Ling, and the other girl is Kathy Dunn as American Student Candace "Candy" "Kitten" Hull. And obviously they aren't the most beautiful unknown girls in the world, and no, I don't know how Castle went about the selection process.

The girls and their countries are as follows:

As for the actual names or their characters, that's a horse of a different color. Most of the 13 girls used their real first names in the film. I suppose that made things a bit easier for Castle to keep track of who was whom when filming but it's not like you really need to know. But there is one exception.

Gina Trikonis, who plays the girl from the Soviet Union goes by the name Natasha. It turns out that Castle's Russian Beauty didn't actually come from the Soviet Union. She was born right here in the USA. I guess the Cold War kept Castle from being able to grab a genuine made in Moscow Soviet Union girl. Maybe she's of Russian ancestry though (I have no clue). It could be that Premier Kruschev didn't much care for Castle's films and refused to let any Soviet devushka take part. But that bald headed old fart didn't like Doctor Zhivago either so what did he know?

Miss Pittford's Academy for Young Ladies is not just any old ordinary run of the mill private school. It's a safe haven for for the daughters of Diplomats from all over the world. You know, your run of the mill working people and peasants, just like you and I. It is also where Candy and the rest of the students are about to embark on a holiday where they will rejoin their families in and around the embassies where their parents work. Candy, who is all of 16 years young, has won first place in Latin. The prize? She gets to drive the girls to the airport on the school's bus. Now one can look at this from several different angles:

1. You might decide that getting to drive a bus to the airport isn't much of a prize for having mastered a very difficult and a very dead language.

2. You might remember that it was much easier for a sixteen year old to get a driver's license in those days. Basically all one had to do was show up at the license bureau, ace the test, and they would basically punch your ticket. Heck, they didn't even put your picture on it in those days, or worry about such mundane matters as to whether or not you had insurance.

3. If you were a diplomat, you might decide that it's time to start thinking about sending your teenager to public school instead of Crazy Old Miss Pittford's. Or...

4. While you munch down on your popcorn you could just shrug your shoulders and understand that Castle, being the showman that he is, needed a slam bang opening to grab your attention.

And that of course is exactly what it is. As they head down the same quarter mile stretch of road three or four times (you have to see the movie to understand) a spider comes dangling down the windshield causing Candy's driving to suddenly advance from just being somewhat erratic to being scarier than hell crazy put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye kind of erratic. Well, you know teenage girls and spiders. They didn't get along in 1963, just like they don’t in 2010. Just put one in a girls shoe and see what it gets you. And of course, since Castle's 13 girls are now scared shitless, Castle's title now literally makes sense because this is the only time in the film that we will see thirteen frightened girls.

I believe when I was told that the family was headed out to the drive-in to see a movie called 13 Frightened Girls, I conjured up all kinds of cool pictures in my head. I expected to see things like 13 very endowed females toughing it out in some haunted house in their p.j.'s then being ravaged and savaged by whatever ghosts, vampires, deranged killer or whatever else might be running amok. I got none of that at all. Was I disappointed?

No, because 13 Frightened Girls still conjured up just enough suspense to satisfy the average 10 to 13 year old sitting in the backseat of his parents car, crammed in between his seven siblings. Okay, so maybe this was one of the times we actually sat outside the car. As it turned out though, the film had more in common with James Bond than with it did with Vincent Price throwing a get together in a Haunted House on a Haunted Hill. In fact, change Candy's name to Nancy Drew and you could just as easily call this movie Nancy Drew And The Clue of the Kitten's Paw.

When she finally arrives at the embassy building where her father works, Candy wastes no time in letting us know that the love of her life is Wally Cleaver. Scratch that, I mean Miss Candace Hull is madly, definitively, and permanently, in love with Wally Sanders (Murray Hamilton), a CIA agent friend/employee of her father, John Hull (Hugh Marlowe). Okay, so there are a few small obstacles keeping Candy from eternal bliss. First, Wally is in fact engaged to another agent that goes by the name of Soldier (Joyce Taylor) who sits around in a room nearby all day trying to break the Soviet secret code.

But let's not forget that other tiny detail standing in Candy's way of luring Wally away from Scout. He's 40 and she's 16. But it could still work out with Daddy's approval. Later when Pa comes into the room unexpectedly at the same time that Candy has her arms wrapped around Wally in a loving embrace, dear old dad doesn't really seem to mind one bit. In 1963, I didn't see a problem with all this. In 2010 it does seem a bit strange. Okay, so maybe John does know his daughter has always had crush on Wally, or maybe he figures Wally is man enough to handle the situation on his own. Hmmm....that doesn't sound exactly right either, and I'm not sure I would be that trusting. But then again, maybe Murray Hamilton decided to make his escape by becoming the mayor of Shark City.

Having failed to seduce Wally, when John invites Wally to have a private chat in his limo, Candy decides to go along for the ride although she is relegated to sitting in the front seat with the chauffeur, Mike (Charley Briggs) while the two men converse in the back with the partition closed. No problem for Candy though as she simply turns the front seat intercom on so that she can hear what is being said. And no, I don't know why they have a partition separating the front seat, since all one needs to do is flip a switch in the front seat to hear what they couldn't hear otherwise. But don't muddy up the waters with simple logic or you'll never have any fun at all and neither will Candy.

What we find out is that Candy's father is kind of a prick. Okay, so that's a bit blunt even if it is true. It turns out that a fellow named Kagenescu, who is apparently the leader of a small unnamed country somewhere, has shown up in town a week before he was supposed to be in London. Worse, Kagenescu has been seen at the friendly confines of the Russian Embassy who want to acquire his services in exchange for two minor leaguers, a draft choice, and a player to be named later. And when Candy overhears that Wally let Kagenescu slip through his fingers and dear old Daddy Dearest may send his future son-in-law back to a Class Double A minor league spy school, she is none too pleased.

Back at the Embassy Wally and his fiancée Scout (Jill Taylor) put their heads together to try to solve the Kagenescu affair before Wally ends up in the unemployment line. That is, they get busy after a few hugs and smooches and a little reminiscing about the good old days of spying when they used to really have fun or as Scout puts it, "two frightened secret agents huddling together in a steaming cow barn." Hmmm, maybe Castle should have made that movie instead of this one.

Before the movie can get on with it's story though, we are required to plod through a scene where Candy interacts with some of the not so frightened girls, in order that they can get some much needed screen time since Castle went through all that trouble of rounding them up to be here.

Soon, Candy gets a call from her best friend Mai Ling (Lynne Sue Moon, who is not one of the official "13 Frightened Girls"). She invites Candy over for cocktails at the Red China pavilion she calls home. Since Daddy wouldn't approve of Candy cavorting with the Reds or chomping down on some Chop Suey, she has to do a bit of conniving to get his approval. And as we find out later, this is just a tip of the conniving iceberg for Candy.

Over in China Land, they are celebrating the Holiday of a Thousand Tractors (don't ask, it's just just an excuse for us to see some fireworks and learn about Chinese Culture) and It isn't long before Candy arrives and begins putting down some Chubby Checker type dance moves with her friend Mai Ling. They are right in the middle of reminding us how foolish we all looked doing The Twist when Mai Ling's Uncle Kang (Khigh Deigh) and two other friends arrive.

As the girls are leaving, Candy overhears Kang address one of the men that is with him as Kagenescu. And of course, knowing that Kagenescu is the key to keeping Wally from being sent off to Amity Island, Candy decides to find out what's going on. And later, when she sees Kang and his aide leave the room without Kagenescu, Candy sends Mai Ling after some grub so that she can slip into full blown Nancy Drew mode to have her own private chat with the all important Kagenescu. But Kagenescu is nowhere to be found, and worse yet, there's a nice pool of fresh blood hanging out on the dumbwaiter. And it doesn't take a genius to figure out that the blood didn't come from a pound of undercooked Sirloin.

Nancy...er I mean Candy, isn't going to let a little thing like some spilled blood stop her from climbing into the dumbwaiter and heading down to investigate. I of course, can't tell you exactly what happens from that point on as it would spoil the fun. I will tell you that the outcome does make Candy realize that she has the perfect setup and can use it to feed information to heartthrob Wally, thus saving her love life, Wally's job, and the world, all at the same time. This task is made easier by the fact that all she has to do is to hang out with her friends from Miss Pittman's, keeping her eyes and ears open, and report on everything. So in effect, she has traded in her Nancy Drew merit badge for a couple of zero's and a number as the first female James Bond counterpart.

She sends her information to Wally in the form of letters using cryptic cut-out alphabet letters from newspapers and magazines. She signs them by placing her cat's paw on an ink pad and stamping the paw print onto the paper. Thus, her code name, Kitten.

13 Frightened Girls is as far from being perfect as a film can be and still manage to remain entertaining. Castle had a good idea here as far as the story goes, but this is one time when one of his gimmicks actually hampers the film more than enhances it. While the idea of a private school for the daughters of diplomats is one way to show the contest winners, and to tie them into the "13 Frightened Girls" title, in relation to everything else in the movie the title makes makes no sense at all.

In truth, the 83 minute running time hurts the film in other ways. While Candy's few adventures are suspenseful enough, they also seemed terribly rushed. In fact, much of what we find out about Candy's work as a spy comes while she is reading a book, Methods and Training for Counter Espionage (hey, doesn't every household library have one of these?), which acts as a voice over for a quick montage of scenes illustrating what she is learning. Better to have added about 20 minutes, drop the book, and actually show Candy doing her thing as a double-not spy because those are the scenes that actually are the meat, potatoes, and gravy of this film.

Candy seduces a Russian agent.

I don't really know what to tell you about Kathy Dunn's acting, because to this day I'm not sure exactly what to make of it. But it's her performance is fascinating to watch. She started her career as one of the Von Trapp children in the Broadway production of The Sound of Music. She ended it about four years later after a short stint in the daytime soap, Days of Our Lives, when she seemingly dropped off of the face of the earth. I guess the best way to describe her performance here is that she's got spunk, and unlike Lou Grant on The Mary Tyler Moore Show, I actually like spunk and she keeps things moving along quite well. Her seduction scenes are exactly what they should be: an inexperienced 16 year old trying to act like a seductress instead of actually being one. And her work in the action/suspense sequences is good enough to make you wistfully wish once again that Castle had done more not only with the scenes, but Ms. Dunn as well. How old Ms. Dunn actually was when this film was made is unknown, as it is not even listed at the IMDB.

For most fans, character actor Murray Hamilton will always be known as Mayor Vaughn from the first two Jaws movie. Always a dependable character actor or heavy, depending on the role, here he is more or less the male lead as Candy's friend, father figure, and companion, and he does his usual stalwart job. It is easy to see why she has a huge crush on him, especially when he mentions the stories from his early years as a spy. Call it hero worship or whatever, but unlike the way Candy sees him, he sees himself as more of a friend then anything else. Which brings us to Hugh Marlowe.

Marlowe, as you may or may not recall, played Patricia O'Neal's suitor in the original The Day The Earth Stood still. In that film he wooed O'Neal to further his career, then chose being a wealthy bastard over cohabitating with O'Neal by turning in Klaatu and cashing in some diamonds. And although he obviously isn't meant to be seen that way in Girls, he does come off as a bit of an ass. He has little time for Candy. It's obvious that when things aren't going exactly as planned he uses Wally as his scapegoat. Then, in a move that makes no sense at all towards the end of the film he insists that Wally blow the cover of his best agent, who just happens to be Kitten. Why in the hell would you want to blow the cover of your best agent, even if you think "your allies want to use him and your enemies want to kill him?" For one thing, your allies can't use him if his cover is revealed, and second, why would you reward him by exposing him to your enemies? In other words, compared to spunky daughter Candy, Hull is a rather clueless dolt, but Marlowe does okay with it considering the sloppy way his character is written. It’s not his fault.

Khigh Dheigh as Kang warms up for his role as Wo-Fat in the TV series Hawaii Five-O some six years later, and those were always the best episodes of that show. (Suggestion: Either buy some of the seasons or rent some episodes of the series before the remake hits the screen.) And he is menacing. He can be as sweet as apple pie to his niece Mai-Ling one minute and then slapping her across the kisser the next. With friends like him, who needs enemies. Oh wait, the Reds weren't exactly our friends in those days, were they?

In this clip from Hawaii Five-O, McGarret finally captures Wo Fat. Or does he?

Joyce Taylor as Scout is as good looking as any of the 13 girls, but she really has little to do beyond conversing with and smooching on Wally, and being thrown in for plot convenience near the end of the film.

The less said about Lynne Sue Moon as Mai Ling and most of the 13 Girls, the better. After this film, Moon had one more role in To Sir With Love, and then like Dunn, dropped out of sight. Considering her terrible dialog she is given here and her stiff as a board acting to go along with it, it doesn't surprise me that she figured out that the big screen just wasn't her thing.

Most of the other girls are worse. And the ones who obviously had talent lose what little screen time they have to those that don't. Two of them, Alexandra Bastedo (England) and Judy Pace (Liberia) went on to fairly decent careers in film and in television. Bastedo starred in the short-lived (one season) but memorable show The Champions which was an excellent series that deserved a much better fate than a one season run. Among Judy Pace's many roles were playing the wife of Gayle Sayers in the original Brian's Song, and starring in another short lived series I adored, The Young Lawyers, which ran on ABC for one year. And if you want to see her in action, she also appeared in the film Cotton Comes To Harlem. (Notice: It does have an R rating. and yes Ms. Pace does have a “scene”)

As for the aforementioned Gina Trikonis, who plays the Soviet Girl Natasha, her work in film continued as well….working in the costume department and later as a wardrobe supervisor in several TV series.

There are those who think 13 Frightened Girls is a much better film than it is given credit for. You can include me among that group. And while everybody remembers William Castle films like The Tingler and I Saw What You Did, this particular film gets scant attention. There's a very clever idea here, and the basic premise is good enough that if properly made, it should be a candidate for a remake with one of the younger up and coming actresses of the day. Never mind that though. Hollywood would probably muck it up somehow by having Miley Cyrus play the part of Candy. Anyway, I find this film despite its flaws to be quite a bit more entertaining than 2007's Nancy Drew, and since I gave that film a C, I have absolutely no choice but to give 13 Frightened Girls a B-. Josh’s View:

13 Frightened Girls is an older movie that offers viewers an unusual but effective plot. Born in the '90s, I grew up on one spy movie after another, each one more ridiculous and silly than the next. I'm here to tell you that 13 Frightened girls is the silliest and most ridiculous of them all...and yet somehow it's a movie with a formula that works!

Candace (often referred to as the spy, Kitten) is a 16 year old girl that is very ditsy and has an appalling taste in older men. This taste in older men leads her to become a very unusual spy in order to help out the much older man that she has a crush on: Wally. At this point in the movie I found myself thinking that it was a dud, but out of respect for good old Hollywood I kept watching; I'm glad I did.

As the plot of 13 Frightened Girls progressed, the creators managed to instill a sense of seriousness into the theme, and before long I was anxious to find out what was going to happen next. From sneaking around the depths of Mai-Ling's gigantic mansion to wooing sexy teenage boys, Candace (aka Kitten), shows us that even for a diplomat's daughter she's got real spunk!

A majority of the scenes in this movie led me to realize just how silly the overall premise was, but that doesn't detract from the entertaining and rather unique plot. My biggest gripe with this movie is the fact that the '13 girls' that were supposed to be Castle's big gimmick for this particular movie, added practically nothing to the plot as a whole. We see some very pretty girls who are only really called on to help out once, but in general they were either missing entirely, or simply on the screen as scenery.

13 Frightened Girls is well worth watching, but it is far from the best spy movie I've ever seen. I commend the creators, writers, directors, etc. for making me laugh and feel a certain amount of tension in the same movie, but by the time the end rolled around I felt like something was missing, despite the good time that I had while watching it. I recommend giving this movie a shot if you're in the mood forsomething that's somewhere between a comedy and an action flick. It fits nicely into both worlds and is good at what it does. I give 13 Frightened Girls an 8/10

So how do you see this film? You can buy the William Castle Film Collection from Clyde's Amazon Store, in which case I would love you forever since it comes with a hefty price tag. Or, if you are the economical type like myself, rent it from Netflix or wait for a showing on Turner Classic Movies. It popped up on there a couple of months ago which is the good news. The bad news was because it was a "theme night" regarding Castle, they may have just sprung for the rights for one showing. But you can always go to their web page and request it again. As for Castle, there is a documentary called Spine-Tingler: The William Castle Story. But like the other films, you have to buy the boxed set to get it. But here are some clips someone put up on youtube to promote the film.

The Uninvited (1944)

2010-02-21T21:25:00.001-08:00

The Uninvited
Starring
Ray Milland
Ruth Hussey
Gail Russell
Donald Crisp
Cornelia Otis Skinner
Alan Napier

Directed by
Lewis Allen

In case you were locked in a closet somewhere carving out pumpkins last Halloween, you undoubtedly know that 2009's sleeper hit was something called “Paranormal Activity”. Filmed on a budget so small you could tattoo the zeros in the production costs on a fly’s ass and have room left over, the film raked in the moolah at at the box office. It wasn't the highest grossing film of the year of course, but it was easily one of the more profitable projects to hit the multiplexes. Even so, I didn't see it although I do have a DVD loaner in the other room that I may get around to watching one of these days..

But we’ve been down this road once before with an over hyped mess of a micro-budgeted film called “The Blair Witch Project.” Just ten short years ago it was supposed to scare the crap out of me. It didn’t, I yawned, never understood what the hell the fuss was about, and I still would like the studio to give me my money back. I know, fat chance. And if I’m wrong about Paranormal Activity it wouldn’t be the first time that I've been, although it is a pretty rare occurrence and only happens about as often as a total eclipse of the sun in Oshkosh.

I have to admit that it is difficult to make a really creepy ghost story these days that would send chills up my spine. As Helen Hayes once told Dean Martin in Airport, “When you get to be my age, there isn’t a whole left to be scared of.”

Oh, there are films out there that can make me squirm or put me on edge. However, this is an effect often achieved with very little plot and a whole lot of pointless torture, maiming, vivisection, slicing, dicing, chopping, and raping, but not necessarily in that order.

And to be honest, it’s not like Hollywood has done a terrific job with some of their pure haunted house offerings. Instead we get crappy ridiculous hammer you over the head with special effects film retreads like 13 Ghosts or The Haunting. The original low budget film 13 Ghosts wasn’t that good to begin with but it did have its charming moments. The remake? How can I put this delicately? It sucked.

In the case of The Haunting, not only did the special effects ruin the psychological premise of the original, it mucked Shirley Jackson’s novel up in ever other way possible, morphing a real thriller into a dumbed down CGI snooze fest in surround sound. Let’s face it, Haunted House movies are not only hard to get made, they’re almost impossible to get right.

Think about it for a moment. Frankenstein and Dracula had been haunting the back lots of Universal Studios for well over a decade before a major studio decided to invest in the first honest to goodness haunted house spooktacular complete with cold clammy rooms, flickering candles, wails in the night, unexplained scents, ghostly apparitions, séances, and an honest to goodness mystery to go right along with it. Before The Uninvited, haunted houses were either a laugh house built for the antics of Abbott, Costello & Bob Hope, or consisted of fake hauntings manufactured to keep others out of a house being used for nefarious deeds by mere mortals, most of them in the criminal profession.

But back in 1944, Hollywood finally got its act together and produced their first serious haunted house movie complete with eerie rooms, strange happenings, and floating ghostly apparitions and called it The Uninvited. So, how did they do in this initial effort? Let’s let Roderick Fitzgerald (Ray Milland) invite you into Windward House with the opening narration:

"They call them the haunted shores, these stretches of Devonshire and Cornwall and Ireland which rear up against the westward ocean. Mists gather here, and sea fog, and eerie stories. That’s not because there are more ghosts here than in other places, mind you. It’s just that people who live hereabouts are strangely aware of them. You see, day and night, year in year out, they listen to the pound and stir of the waves. There’s life and death in that restless sound, and eternity too. If you listen to it long enough, all your senses are sharpened. You come by strange instincts. You get to recognize a peculiar cold which is a first warning. The cold which is no mere matter of degrees Fahrenheit but a draining of warmth from the vital centers of the living.

Local people tell me they would have felt it, even outside that locked door. We didn’t. They can’t understand why we didn’t know what it meant when our dog wouldn’t go up those stairs. Animals see the blasted things it appears."

Pretty cool narrative if I do say so myself. So while vacationing on the English coast, Roderick (hereafter known as Rick) Fitzgerald, music critic and composer wannabe, and his sister Pamela (Ruth Hussey), occupation unknown, just happen to come across a long abandoned mansion sitting forlornly up on a cliff.

When their little Toto-cloned dog (aka Bobby) chases the wicked witch of the east…I mean the wicked squirrel of the tree in the front yard into the house, they chase after him through a window which was conveniently left partially open so that they could retrieve the dog and save the squirrel and get our ghost flick underway.

After dispensing with the squirrel business and making sure the local constable isn't around to arrest them for breaking and entering, Rick and Pam begin exploring the dwelling. It's pretty much your typical abandoned mansion by the sea except for the prerequisite haunted house locked room that they can’t get into. But other than that, the house seems normal in every other aspect. Well, almost.

There is the matter of the bathroom. It has a fireplace a bathtub, a sink, but no toilet. This may seem strange at first until you remember that this is the forties and toilets were banned from appearing in cinemas. And since fireplaces weren’t generally used for relieving one’s self, they could appear on screen which is why there may be one in the bathroom. Or more plausibly, maybe that's the way rich old bastards built their haunted houses. Or maybe they just held it until it was time to put the fire out. The possibilities are endless. Okay, so sometimes when watching a movie I do think of some weird crap like this for no reason in particular.

But despite the lack of a commode, Pam falls in love with the house and convinces Rick that they just absolutely have to buy it, right now, right this minute, no questions asked. And Rick, oddly henpecked by sis Pam, finally agrees to look into acquiring the house, although he’s probably thinking that it would be a terribly long walk down the cliff to the ocean if he wanted to take a quick leak somewhere other than in the fireplace. You know, I bet it was a real bitch carrying firewood up to the second floor.

The owner, as it turns out is one Commander Beech (Donald Crisp) who is only too happy to sell Windwood in order to provide a nest egg for his granddaughter Stella Meredith (Gail Russell) and because previous tenants had spread rumors about the house being haunted by the Commander's deceased daughter, Mary Meredith, who met an untimely death near the castle. It is my personal contention however that death is inconvenient, annoying, and untimely for most people, so in that regards Poor Mary was no exception.

As for Stella, she ain't too hot to trot for dear old Grandpa to let go of Mama's Family Mansion, and when Rick and Pamela inquire about the house, she no longer wants to be the friendly helpful neighbor she was when she thought the Fitzgeralds were just out looking for a place to urninate. Okay, no more potty jokes from here on out.

But with or without Stella's input, Grandfather Beech unloads the house on the unsuspecting but more than willing brother and sister act, Donny and Marie.....I mean Rick and Pam.

Rick, being the smart composer and movie critic that he is, returns home to pack their belongings, tie up some loose ends, and bide his time while Pam cleans up and gets the house decorated and ready for some brother and sister cohabitation. Coincidentally, this also enables Rick to have his sis be the one to make sure there isn't some deadly apparition waiting to throw her over the cliff or down the stairwell. Or, worst yet, for Stella to punch her lights out for having the audacity to buy her long dead Mother's mansion. But before he heads back to London, Rick and Stella actually end up becoming quite cozy and cuddly in between Rick's bouts of nausea on a sailboat.

Maybe his change of heart was from finding out that when Stella was 3, her Mother died by committing suicide via taking an Olympic sized dive off the cliff outside Windwood. In fact, he invites her up to Windwood to keep Pam company, and to negotiate a peace treaty with her dead mother if she should happen to come around.

When Rick finally returns along with the housekeeper, Lizzie Borden.....oops I mean Lizzie Flynn and her cat, Whiskey, things appear normal, but only on the surface. It seems that the toto-dog Bobby has proclaimed his independence by running off to live the remainder of his doggie days elsewhere rather than at Windwood, and has taken off for parts unknown. A move that the Fitzgerald's treat kind of nonchalantly which tells you that people must not have been that attached to their pets back in 1944.

It also turns out that despite the fact that Stella had promised him she would visit Pam, She was a no show. Pam then informs Rick that she had sent Stella a personal invitation herself, but had been rebuffed by the Captain. And then there's the cat, Whiskey (don’t hold me to the cat’s name, I wasn’t sure if they were saying Whiskey or Pissy), who like dog Bobby, throws a kitty fit when asked to take a walk up the stairs.

The fun really begins later that night when Rick is awaken by the sounds of a sobbing woman filling the darkened house. Thinking it might be Pamela or Lizzie, he heads out into the pitch black hallway armed with nothing but a candle and is met a moment later by his sister who assures him that the crying is not coming from Lizzie. In fact, the scene played to perfection by both Milland and especially Hussey, will be creeping you out and sending a chill down your spine as well before its over with.

Eventually, Stella does come to visit Rick and Pam at Windwood, and things quickly go from bad to worse. Stella begins to "feel" the presence of her mother, Mary Meredith, but at the same time the spirit seems to want her to take a flying leap off the same cliff that Mommie Dearest had flown off of some 17 years previously.

There are moments when The Uninvited is a rather conversation laden film, but I mean that as a compliment. There are many conversations that take place but they are not here just as screen filler. You have to be on your toes and listen carefully as each clue unravels some deep dark secrets of the past. Pay attention, and you can earn your Nancy Drew merit badge before Rick and the gang practically get hit over the head with the information near the end of the movie.

Complications abound when Roderick begins falling for the young Stella, who is drawn to the house by the ghost of her dead mother who may or may not have good intentions. Should Rick let her stay or convince her to leave for her own good, perhaps losing his own chance at romantic bliss?

If ever there was a reason for black and white films The Uninvited is it. The stark cinematography by Charles Lang perfectly captures the eeriness of the house to perfection, especially in the dimly lit night scenes which are highlighted only by candles. Candles flicker when they shouldn't; the house is filled at night by the uncontrollable sobbing echoes of an unseen entity. A flower inexplicably wilts in a matter of seconds. Anyone who enters the studio where Stella's father painted her mother is overcome by a huge sense of dread and depression. While playing a love song for Stella on the piano the music Rod is playing turns haunting, surreal, and if you could describe music that way, almost vicious.

There is not one single headless, rotting guts hanging out corpse that makes an appearance. Instead we get a continual mysterious and foreboding atmosphere and a sense of dread that hangs over each frame of the production. Yes we do see the ghosts, which were added by the insistence of the studio, but by using the simplest of special effects, they are more realistic and haunting than any amount of CGI could ever hope to duplicate. It is what we do not see that scares us, and the anticipation of what we might see that fills us with dread. As sort of the icing on the cake, it is all topped all off with what I consider to be is of the best séance sequences ever put on film.

A film like The Uninvited will probably not appeal to many of today's youthful film watchers who have to be hammered over the head with 3D Imax CGI extravaganzas. For a serious film viewer, who wants to see what a true haunted house film should be, The Uninvited is a must see. It's a genuine puzzling mystery film that will leave you guessing until the end and a truly chilling ghost story with just enough romance and a few light comedic touches thrown in to top things off.

The casting here is perfect. Although I had a bit of fun in regards to Rick and Pam being siblings, the fact is that their performances often compliment each other. Pam is the no nonsense sister, who takes things a bit more seriously than Rick who puts on a brave front but is a timid mouse underneath. Milland brings enough of a light hearted touch to his Rick so that we don't get too bogged down in the seriousness of the story. And Gail Russell is simply stunning as Stella. We may initially view her as milquetoast, but we later find out that there is much more to her than that and that Stella is not beyond being defiant to her overbearing grandfather when the occasion calls for it. And despite the 19 year age difference between the her and Rick, they somehow manage to make the romance work in a believable manner.

About midway through the film, Cornelia Otis Skinner shows up as Miss Holloway, who runs a home for mentally ill women. And oh yeah, the place is called The Mary Meredith Retreat. It turns out that back in the days when she was just plain old lowly Nurse Holloway, she was quite an admirer of Mary Meredith, not to mention being her best friend and confidante as well. She was also so obsessed with Mary, so much so that there are only two possible explanations: Either Holloway and Mary Meredith were closet lesbians, or Holloway is off her rocker to the point where she should be a patient in the Mary Meredith Home instead of running the joint.

Or maybe she's both a closet lesbian and a nut case as well. A guest brought this idea up on Turner Classic Movies once and host Robert Osborne pooh poohed the very thought. But hey, who knows what really lurks in the minds of screenwriters. You can watch the video above captured from that particular broadcast and decide for yourself whom you agree with.

The remaining major cast member, Alan Napier, shows up as the Dr. Scott, the local medicine man. You might remember him from another gig he had back in the 60’s (See picture with insert)

There is no doubt that The Uninvited is one of the best Ghost Stories ever to be put on celluloid. It has everything you could want in a film with romance, mystery, suspense, chills and a few thrills, and at times even a little comedy intervention. And if you can combine all those elements together so successfully to win me over for so many years, then I have no choice but to give you a highly spirited A.

So how does one see The Uninvited? It runs occasionally on Turner Classic Movies so keep a look out for it there. It is one of the top movies requested to be put on DVD, but unfortunately whoever has the rights hasn't felt compelled to release it in that format. The film is a treasure, and I hope you'll dig around and look it up. All you really need is a little luck and a little initiative.

Beginning with this review and hopefully with future reviews we offer up an opinion and perspective from one of today’s more youthful moviegoers. Josh hopes someday to be a writer, loves video games, and will be all of 20 years of age this March. Currently the plan is that he won’t read my review before writing his review, although Josh may offer up some comments afterwards. Full disclosure: “Josh, I am your Father.” “NOooooooooooooooooo!”

The Uninvited is what most young people today will probably think of as a long-forgotten movie. They’re probably right, but just because the movie is old doesn’t necessarily make it bad. Remember this children.

This was the first black and white movie I had ever seen, and while the acting was top-notch and the plot was entertaining, I still find that there is a big problem with the pacing.

As much as I enjoyed this movie, I couldn’t help but notice that it took the better part of 90 minutes for things to finally start happening. The moaning, wailing, miserable woman crying loudly in the night proved entertaining…for a while. But they spent a vast majority of their time introducing characters that you love to hate, and asking more questions than they answered. I know it is supposed to be a mystery, and they do a good job of setting things up for the final scenes, but during that time there is little to no advancement.

Bad pace aside, everything manages to pull itself together during the movie’s final moments. The big, mysterious truth is finally revealed, and the scenes begin to blur together as you find yourself eager to know how the story is going to end. :

Most of the actors that starred in this movie are probably unfamiliar to most of you, but I urge you to look into any other movies they’ve performed in, no matter how old. The three main cast-members (Ray Milland, Ruth Hussey, and Gail Russell) present a spectacular performance, and they have a talent for acting that is rarely seen in Hollywood these days. The Uninvited is one forgotten movie that is an inviting change from the jumble of remakes currently spewing out of Hollywood. This movie is definitely worth the watch.

My score for the Uninvited (1944):

7.6/10

Carrie (1976)

2009-10-21T01:52:00.001-07:00

Directed by Brian DePalma

There are many films that you watch during your life that you remember more than others. But the better the film is, the more likely the chances are that you’ll remember the circumstances under which you first viewed it.

But that’s not a steadfast rule. You probably remember the circumstances surrounding your viewing of some of the really bad ones as well.

I have no clue as to how many films I have seen in a theater or drive-in, and there is no way that I could remember the where, when, or how of each and every one. But some of these experiences are as fresh in my mind as if they happened yesterday. Let me give you a couple of examples.

I remember seeing the original The Longest Yard with Burt Reynolds twice. I saw it once in a packed Columbia Theater in Portsmouth, Ohio. Experience: Good.

I can't count the number of films I viewed at this theater. I lived in this town for a good portion of my life. I remember that admission was just 35 cents for kids at the time, and I saw a lot of B movie double features for that 35 cents for kids. There was another theater in town but it met the wrecking ball years ago.

But I also remember taking my first wife to view The Longest Yard at the Scioto Breeze Drive-In Movie Theater ten miles north of town. I also remember that it was not only snowing, but it was colder than a witch’s nipple to boot. Those were the days when drive-in movies were still in abundance, some even staying open all winter long courtesy of electric in-car heaters that only managed to delay the frostbite temporarily instead of having it set in immediately after turning off the ignition.

Experience: Bad.

I also remember my first viewing of Carrie. It was at the Skywalk Cinema in downtown Cincinnati (Sorry no pictures. I had some though but my ex got them in the divorce). The audience, such as it was, seemed restless throughout the film. It didn’t help that some of the patrons were lighting up cigarettes right there in the auditorium which tells you how much the management actually cared about what went on once they had their money in hand. All I know is that it was very distracting but I wasn’t one to become a squealer about it because those guys looked like they could have kicked my ass all the way up the Ohio River and back down again.

Experience: Bad.

But there was also something else I remembered about that night. It was something that actually happened in the movie, and if you’ve ever seen the film which I’m sure most of you have, you’ll know what I’m talking about. It was so memorable that there is now a term to describe it when used in films trying to play copycat It’s called “The Carrie Moment.”

Experience: It scared the holy crap out of me and all those puffing away on their Marlboro’s.

But I’m putting the cart way before the horse. Although I was kind of indifferent to Carrie on that particular evening, (except for the Carrie Moment) I have learned to really appreciate the craftsmanship of DePalma’s film more and more with each subsequent viewing in the 30 years that have elapsed since.

Being perfectly honest, by the time I finally saw Carrie for the first time, there were really no surprises left to be had for someone who had just recently witnessed Little Damian Thorne hang a nanny from a window, impale a priest, and slice the head off of a photographer; watched a shark devour Robert Shaw as the main course; or sat in horror as as a possessed eleven year old girl pissed on the floor, masturbated with a crucifix, turned her head a full 360 degrees, then vomited pea soup like a missile projectile. I mean, after The Exorcist, most horror films seemed tame by comparison, at least until Jason began whacking teenagers up at Crystal Lake, Michael Myers made Jamie Lee Curtis run for her life in Haddonfield, or Freddy sliced and diced up Johnny Depp on Elm Street.

And the theater poster of actress Sissy Spacek drenched in blood, along with the tagline “If you’ve got a taste for terror, take Carrie to the prom” pretty much told you that this wasn’t going to be a jolly holiday with Carrie making your world so bright at a Sunday school picnic.

But I do have to say that the second sequence in the film, which is often called the opening sequence but actually comes after a volley ball game that is the real opening sequence but is quickly forgotten because of the following sequence that takes place in a girl’s locker room is always appreciated. You got that? I thought you did.

It was my first journey inside a fully occupied girl’s locker room. Heck, it was probably the first time a lot of guys were inside a fully occupied female locker room filled with half dressed women, completely undressed women, and a few fully dressed women that you’ll barely notice are there. So before I go any further, I want to thank the cast, the cinematographer, and of course Brian DePalma for the experience.

The scene is filmed in a room full of steam as the camera slowly pans across the lockers. Gradually the steam becomes as thick as fog and the camera settles upon a nude Carrie White (Sissy Spacek) slowly bathing herself in the hot shower. But if you feel the whole thing is just a bit too beautiful, lyrical or just plain extra hot and sexy, you’d be right.

We are quickly drawn out of our dreamy stupor as DePalma pans to Carrie’s thigh, where we see the first signs of blood trickling downward. Nope, she isn’t being attacked by Norman Bates even if this particular high school is named after him as a kind of screwed up homage to movie psychopaths.

Carrie has in fact started her first menstrual period. And no, unlike other movies where some teen girls would proclaim that they are now a “truly positive absolutely real grown-up woman” Carrie takes a different approach. She goes totally bonkers, positive that blood spurting out from places it hadn’t ever spurted from before means certain death, and in her panic runs out into the locker room begging the other girls for help. And her classmates, being the helpful teenage shits that they are, lend Carrie a hand by shoving her back into the shower while simultaneously launching an avalanche of tampons and kotex at her as if they are throwing rice at a wedding while yelling in unison for her to “plug it up, plug it up, plug it up.”

This bit of calamity is literally brought to a screeching halt by the girls gym coach, Miss Collins (Betty Buckley) who shows us her more gentle nature by shoving the taunting girls aside to reach Carrie whom she promptly slaps in the kisser.

And it’s a good thing Miss Collins showed up. You wouldn’t want Carrie to completely snap because as we find out later, a pissed off Carrie is a very bad Carrie, and in this scene, we find out that a ticked off clueless Carrie is only murder on your light bulb bill. You could be making a lot of trips to Costco with this kid around.

It also doesn’t take long for us to figure out the reason for Carrie’s maniacal outburst and ignorance regarding her women’s trouble. Her mother, Margaret White (Piper Laurie), has never taken the time to sit down with her daughter and have a heart to heart talk about birds, bees, and the monthly due bill. But once you meet Mrs. White, you’ll understand why.

She has a few fanatical religious screws loose upstairs, not to mention that she’s just completely looney tunes with a dash of cracked brain as well.

She seems to make her living going around the neighborhood trying to convert others to her religious cause. You know the drill: Join me or rot in hell.

The neighbors do their part by shoving a few dollars Margaret’s way to get her out of the house as quickly as possible. I suppose that’s easier than hiding in the bathroom or the closet but could get very expensive. I don’t think buying Margaret White off comes cheap which we find out when Mrs. Snell (Priscilla Pointer, Amy Irving’s real life mother) quickly raises her own donation ante from five to ten dollars. This buys her some instant relief and a promise that Margaret will pray that she finds Jesus.

But as distraught as Carrie was, the adults involved don’t handle the situation very well either. Miss Collins admits to the principal that she understood how the girls felt because she kind of felt the same way. When the principal calls Carrie into the office, he repeatedly gets her name wrong calling her Cassie and Callie despite being told the correct name by both Miss Collins and Carrie herself.

As for Carrie, besides the fact that she doesn’t much care for people talking about her in the third person, especially when she’s in the same room, she also shows she has little patience for those trying to blow smoke up her ass as she sends an ashtray flying off of the desk.

Shortly thereafter as Carrie is walking home, a boy on a bicycle who looks a lot like Brian DePalma’s son and sounds even more like Betty Buckley taunts her.

“Creepy Carrie, Creepy Carrie, Creepy Carrie” he squeals. A few screeches of Bernard Herrmann’s Psycho notes, and Creepy Carrie sends Creepy DePalma Boy flying off of his Creepy Bike flat on his scrawny creepy little ass. It almost makes one wish for a Carrie in every movie that has an obnoxious kid in the movie……first to go being that brat in the original Poseidon Adventure followed by that kid in Problem Child topped off with…..well I’ll let you fantasize.

What is perfectly clear by this time is that Carrie is not only a loner and a misfit, but she also has been blessed/cursed with the power of telekinesis. It is a power she is just beginning to understand, to experiment with, and is only in the early stages of learning how to control it.

But once Carrie arrives at Happy Acres, also known as her home, her mother receives a phone call from the school. A call which sends Ms. Margaret into a religious frenzy and she immediately takes Carrie to task for being an evil doer.

Carrie: (coming down from upstairs) Mama? Who was that, that called?

Margaret White: You're a woman now.

Carrie: Why didn't you tell me mama?

(Margaret strikes Carrie over the head with the "Woman's Bible”)

Margaret White: And God made Eve from the rib of Adam. And Eve was weak and loosed the raven on the world. And the raven was called sin. Say it, the raven was called sin.

Carrie: Why didn't you tell me, Mama?

Margaret White (hitting Carrie in the face): Say it.

Margaret White: The raven was called sin.

Carrie: (Margaret hits her again) No, Mama.

Carrie: And the raven was called sin!

Margaret White: And the first sin was intercourse. The first sin was intercourse.

Carrie: I didn't sin, Mama.

Margaret White (hits her again): Say it.

Carrie: I didn't sin, Mama!

Margaret White: The first sin was intercourse. The first sin was intercourse. The first sin was intercourse.

Carrie: And the first sin was intercourse! Mama, I was so scared. I thought I was dying. And the girls, they all laughed at me and threw things at me, Mama.

Margaret White: And Eve was weak, say it! (Margaret hits her again)

Carrie: No!

Margaret White: Eve was weak!

Carrie: No!

Margaret White: Eve was weak, say it woman!

Carrie: No!

Margaret White: Say it!

Carrie: Eve was weak, Eve was weak.

Margaret White: And the Lord visited Eve with the curse, and the curse was the curse of blood!

Carrie: You should have told me, Mama! You should have told me!

Margaret White: (kneels down and grabs Carrie's hand) Oh, Lord! Help this sinning woman see the sin of her days and ways. Show her that if she had remained sinless, this curse of blood would never have come on her!

At which point Margaret drags Carrie into a closet and locks her in.

Yep, that Margaret is a real charmer.

Meanwhile, back at Bates High School, one certain girl’s gym class is getting their comeuppance, in the form of an enraged Ms. Collins, who has called the girls together in the gym to read them the riot act, and dole out their punishment. And it isn’t pretty:

Miss Collins: Now, my idea for this little trick you pulled was three days' suspension and refusal of your prom tickets.

Norma: What? God!

Miss Collins: That'd get you where you live, wouldn't it? And you deserve it. I don't think any of you have any idea of just how nasty what you did really was. But the office has decided you're to have one week's detention. Still, there's one little catch. It's to be my detention. That's fifty minutes every day starting today in the athletic field. Get the picture?

Chris Hargenson: I'm not coming.

Miss Collins: That's up to you, Chris. That's up to all of you. Punishment for skipping detention is three days' suspension and refusal of your prom tickets. Any other thoughts? Good. Now change up.

Chris Hargenson: Where are you going?

Norma: Come on.

Chris Hargenson: I'm not coming.

Norma: You're really not gonna come? You're gonna miss out on the prom?

Chris Hargenson: I'm not coming.

Norma: Well, I'm not gonna miss the prom.

Chris Hargenson: Fuck

Eventually, the calisthenics, the hot sun, and perspiration become a bit much for Chris, whose previous introduction to exercise probably took place in the back seat of her boyfriend Billy Nolan’s (John Travolta) car. She decides to end her detention a bit early, not by walking off the field quietly, but by directly confronting Ms. Collins:

Miss Collins: The period's not up, Hargenson.

Chris Hargenson: It is for me.

Miss Collins: Keep running! Well, there are ten minutes left.

Chris Hargenson: Stick 'em up your...

(A comment which draws Ms. Collins ire and for which she promptly slaps Chris)

Chris Hargenson: You can't hit us! You'll get canned for this, you bitch!

Miss Collins: One more word out of you, and I'm gonna knock you down! Do you understand me?

Chris Hargenson: She can't get away with this if we all stick together! Norma? Helen? Sue!

Sue Snell: Shut up, Chris. Just shut up.

Chris Hargenson: This isn't over. This isn't over by a long shot!

Miss Collins: You're out of the prom, Hargenson. Okay, the show's over.

By this time we have now learned four things:

It might not be a good idea to really piss off Carrie White and send her over the edge because of certain mental capabilities which she harbors inside that screwed up noggin of hers.

And getting on the bad side of spoiled, self centered, egotistical rich bitch useless slut, Chris Hargenson (Nancy Allen) will not be a pleasant experience for anybody whether it’s children, flowers, Carrie White, or any other living things in between. Hell hath no fury like a pissed off Chris.

That Ms. Collins sure does like to slap students.

When you combine item number one with item number two, the shit is going to hit the fan and God help anyone caught in the middle.

But all is not lost. There are a few high school students who see the error of their ways. Well, there’s at least one, and that would be the aforementioned Sue Snell (Amy Irving) who actually regrets her part in the tampon tornado incident. So how does she decide to atone for her sins?

No, she doesn’t spend a few Sunday prayer sessions with the Rev. Margaret and Carrie. You couldn’t make a 98 minute movie about that and expect fans to fill the theater or buy the DVD.

Instead, not having been privileged to read the same movie posters that we have in regards to terror and asking Carrie to the prom, she asks her steady boyfriend, Tommy Ross (William Katt), to take Carrie. And although he is initially unwillingly to do so, Tommy eventually gives in.

And what exactly is Chris’s plan for revenge. It doesn’t take long for us to figure it out after she enlists the help of simple minded boyfriend Billie, who is willingly bought off with a convincing oral argument presented by Chris:

Chris Hargenson: I want you to do something.

Billy Nolen: What?

Chris Hargenson: Something important. (unzips Billy's pants and performs oral sex on him) Oh, Billy. Billy. Oh, Billy. Oh, Billy. Billy. Oh, Billy. Oh. Oh, Billy. I hate Carrie White.

By the time Chris and company hit a meatpacking plant in the middle of the night during a rainstorm, you can pretty much guess where everything is headed with or without a tell-all movie poster.

There’s a lot to admire about Carrie. First and foremost are the performances. Nobody has ever done religious fanatic this creepy or better than Piper Laurie as Margaret who was nominated for an Academy Award. In fact, when I wrote this particular story, she was the inspiration for Laurie’s grandparents.

And casting Sissy Spacek, who was nominated for an Oscar as well, would have been a stroke of genius except for the fact that during auditions, Brian DePalma had another actress in mind for the role until Ms. Spacek made a last minute screen test. DePalma never mentions who that other actress was, but I cannot see how any actress could have done better. Not only does she make us feel a great deal of sympathy for Carrie, Spacek manages to arouse the same guilt feelings that Sue Snell experiences. We are instantly reminded of our own instances of cruelty we may have inflicted on others, or the instances of ridicule inflicted upon us. Carrie is a victim of the most misfortunate set of circumstances possible, caused solely by the circumstances of her birthright.

And did you say bitch? Nancy Allen as Chris should be given a special place in Webster’s next to the word. Here is a girl that has obviously been given everything she ever needed in life and has worked for absolutely none of it. She is unaccustomed to two things in her life: being told no or not getting her way, and being punished.

And having faced these two issues all in the space of a few hours’ short circuits what little brain power she has into one single minded goal: Revenge on Carrie White. The thought of what she sees as Carrie’s deserved comeuppance is almost an orgasmic experience for her, whether it’s performing oral sex on boyfriend Billy to make him an accomplice in her plan or the actual thrill of possibly carrying it out. Just like Spacek, Allen won her role as Chris at the last minute as well. Talk about a huge stroke of luck.

It would have been easy for Betty Buckley to make Ms. Collins one of the perfect super teachers we have seen in so many other films. But she plays her as a very flawed teacher, so we get Ms. Collins with warts and all. It is obvious to us that up until the locker room incident, Collins herself had let previous incidents involving Carrie and the other girls just slide by unnoticed. Instead of getting involved or taking Carrie under her wing when she can make a real difference, she does so only when forced to deal with her own shortcomings after the incident in the locker room. She does not seem to do well under stress which explains why Chris Hargensen can get under her skin so easily. Her disdain and hatred for Chris, is borderline irrational even if it seems warranted.

As for Amy Irving and William Katt, they have a difficult task here as well. They are the only two totally sympathetic characters in the film once Sue begins to atone for her own actions in the torment of Carrie. It is imperative that we believe Sue’s decision to have Tommy ask Carrie to the prom is done with the best of intentions, and that her and Tommy are not a part of Chris’s revenge plan. It would be easy to think that the two of them are just henchman in Hargensen’s elaborate revenge plan since its success rests entirely on two events: Carrie must go to the prom, and she must be elected prom Queen, two events that are impossible if Tommy fails to ask her.

But both Katt and Irving do a great job of making us believe in their honorable intentions, and we can only surmise that Chris hatches her plan only after she finds out for sure that Carrie will indeed be a prom participant. Why is this important? Because even though we know disaster is afoot, we still want to believe in the fairy tale of Carrie as Cinderella going to the ball. We will always love the glass slipper story, which makes the outcome of the film even more devastating when the Cinderella story is tragically brought to a sudden halt.

But as I said, although Carrie may be lacking a bit in the suspense department, DePalma makes up for it with some highly stylized and memorable scenes. Every shot is perfectly thought out and planned to exact specifications. Whether it’s the opening moments when the camera swoops down from above on the volleyball game to focus on Carrie, the slow motion pan of the locker room, the chilling interiors of the White home (for which the set designers deserve special recognition), or the dizzying dance at the prom between Carrie and Tommy, there’s a lot here to absorb and admire. There is much symbolism as well, as we see in this particular moment where Carrie reveals her intention to go to the prom.

For me, what occurs in this film is far more horrifying than any ax wielding, meat cleaving, monstrosity rising from the nearest cemetery. It is certainly surreal but it is a bit too real as well. Think about it.

Hasn’t this incident been tragically played out in headlines in another form time and time again over the years. There is the misfit kid who doesn’t fit in at school. He is an outcast, and is often picked on. Perhaps his parents just ignore him and are totally indifferent to him. Perhaps he finds a friend who is facing similar circumstances. And then something goes haywire in their brains.

So they take their revenge. But instead of telekinetic powers, they use pistols, or assault rifles. And, everybody within their path gets taken out. And they finish their mayhem off by taking their own lives. And that’s what makes Carrie really scary. In its own way the film was a prognosticator of events to come in the years ahead, which makes the thought of a misfit kid with telekinetic powers a very firghtful notion. If you want an idea as to how bad it would be, read Stephen King’s novel which the film is based on. Carrie’s wrath is far more widespread whereas Palma was limited by his tight movie budget as to how much destruction he could show on the screen.

What DePalma also does, and Stephen King did in his novel, is to make Carrie totally sympathetic. She is a victim of circumstances.

But then the rug is pulled out from underneath us and when the innocent are punished along with the guilty by simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time, our sympathy towards her dissipates, despite the fact that she is the same girl at the end of the film that she was at the beginning.

Does Carrie still deserve our sympathy, or do we ignore the tragic circumstances of her life, and hold her in contempt? Would you extend your sympathy to someone who would do the same thing in the real world using real weapons under the same circumstances? Not many of us would.

But that is a can of worms that I don’t think DePalma was planning to open when he made the film. But even so, its stunning conclusion and the aftermath will stay with you for a long time. And although my initial feelings toward the film may have been lukewarm, I have learned to admire it more and more with each subsequent viewing. And when a film does that I have no choice but to give it an A-. No wonder Carrie remains one of the most watched films on Halloween.

You can watch Carrie on youtube (legitimately and in it’s entirety) or you can buy the DVD at Clyde’s Amazon Store.

Pleasantville (1998)

2009-09-24T02:34:00.001-07:00

When we go to the movies or watch a film on DVD for the first time we do so with certain expectations. These expectations are usually formed and influenced by things we have seen, heard, or read in the media whether it's from teasers, trailers, interviews with the director, producers or stars, or even a tidbit of something we may have read on the internet. Sometimes we have certain expectations because the film is a sequel and having seen the previous incarnation on the screen we know what is forthcoming and expect it to either advance the story or to improve upon the previous screen incarnation.

When movies fulfill these expectations, we leave the theater or return the DVD rental taking comfort in the knowledge that it was money well spent. When a film does not give us what we expect of it, or what is on the screen fails to live up to the hype, it leaves not only a sour taste in our mouth, but an unfulfilled emptiness inside. Not to mention that whatever money you spent is now lost forever, along with the time you invested in it.

I bring up all of these points because there are times when a movie not only lives up to expectations, it also far exceeds them. And although it doesn't happen that often, when it does take place, it is perhaps the best movie going experience that any of us could have or ever want.

The Official Pleasantville Trailer

The first time I was about to watch Pleasantville I was sure that it would be nothing more than a high concept combination of fantasy and comedy. The premise of two teenagers from the the 1990’'s who are magically zapped into a fifties sit-com where they experience all the joys of carefree living and uptight morality, had endless possibilities for some genuine fish out of water humor. If Pleasantville had been one of those comedy capers churned out by the Disney Studios in the sixties and seventies, perhaps something like the Misadventures of Merlin Jones in a TV Time Machine, then I'm sure that is the kind of film we may have seen. Not that such a thing would have automatically been bad, it just would have been different, perhaps funny but undoubtedly predictable.

But Pleasantville writer, director, and producer Gary Ross had something entirely different in mind when he brought Pleasantville to the screen. And what we get is a film that takes a fantastic fantasy premise and turns it into a an allegory about life, morals, prejudices, and the fact that this world this world that we live in will always be changing and evolving so we damn well better learn to cope with it.

The early moments of Pleasantville are just about what one would expect. But there are indications right away that you will be getting more than you bargained for as the film immediately gives more depth to the two leads than you would expect.

The film centers around brother and sister David (Tobey Maguire) and Jennifer (Reese Witherspoon) who also happen to be twins. As brother, sister, and twins, they are absolutely nothing alike and have absolutely nothing in common.

David, is shy, quiet, a bit mousy, and has never dated. He fantasizes about asking a girl out, but can never quite work up the courage to do so. He is troubled by the world around him. His teachers are full of gloom and doom regarding the future, his parents are divorced, and both he and his sister seem to be nothing more than a bother to their mother who after being a housewife and mother for so many years, yearns for a certain amount of her own freedom once again.

So David escapes from his troubled world by wrapping himself up in an old fifties situation comedy called Pleasantville that airs on TV Time which is supposed to be the equivalent of our TV Land (or what TV Land was supposed to be before it degenerated into the useless cable crap that it is now) Pleasantville is the perfect world that David wishes he could somehow be zapped into because it is a place where everything is always "pleasant" and because the family the show is centered around, The Parkers, seem to be leading the idyllic life he can only dream about. It is his escape from reality.

Jennifer, has her goals as well. Actually it's one goal which renders itself to a lot of different scenarios: Being the most popular girl in school and dating the most popular guy. She intends to acheive this even if it requires a certain amount of looseness with her morals. Having David for a geeky brother doesn't help. Jennifer's world would be a lot better place for her if that fact just didn't exist, so much so that she tries not to even acknowledge that it does.

Jennifer's Friend: (speaking about David) Oh my God! He is like so pathetic! I can't believe you're related to him.

Jennifer: Only on my parent's side.

Jennifer's Friend: Yeah, but you guys are like twins and stuff. You must be from the cool side of the uterus.

And so it is that one Friday night Jennifer is finally able to invite the guy of her dreams over to her house to watch an MTV concert on the very same night that David plans on tuning into a Pleasantville Marathon so that he can win a trivia contest. This also takes place on the very same night that their mother is leaving town to be with a younger boyfriend and she departs without nary a word to Jennifer or David.

Before Jennifer's boyfriend can arrive a tug of war ensues over the remote and as their bad luck would have it and our good luck would have it, the remote ends up being accidentally thrown against the wall and shattered. Bad news if the only way to turn the TV off and on is with the remote.

But help arrives mysteriously and almost instantly (as it just about has to with a premise such as this) in the form of Don Knotts as a TV Repairman. After subtly giving David a quick trivia quiz on Pleasantville, Don the TV Repair Guy gives them a remote that he says "has a little more oomph in it."

David: Omph?

Don The Repairman: Sure. A big beautiful set like that. You want something that'll put you right in the show.

As soon as Repairman Knotts has left, David uses the ooomphy remote to switch on the TV which promptly results in another remote tug of war with Jennifer at the same time that two of the characters from Pleasantville, Bud and Mary Sue Parker are having their own tug of war over Mary Sue's transistor radio. Add a little lightning, a whole lot of sparks, and David and Jennifer are zapped right into the TV screen replacing Bud and Mary Sue Parker. Well, not exactly.

It seems in fact, that they have become Bud and Mary Sue. Although they look exactly the same to us and to each other, to everybody in Pleasantvillen they are the characters they have replaced. And oh yeah, they are now in living black and white.

"Look at me! I'm pasty," proclaims Jennifer.

Shortly thereafter Don The TV Repairman appears on the 50's type television attempting to explain everything to David and Jennifer. When they don't seem too appreciative of his efforts and hurt his feelings, he decides it is best to leave the two teenagers where they are until he (the repairman) isn't too emotional. Like maybe in a week or two.

Their 50's Pleasantville parents, George (William H. Macy) and Betty Parker (Joan Allen) don't see anything amiss either, with George even encouraging "Sport" and "Muffin" to hurry or they'll be late for school without batting an eye. When Jennifer informs Betty that she isn't hungry in response to a complete breakfast buffet that Betty has cooked up that would probably feed the population of Rhode Island, George and Betty simply laugh it off.

"Nonsense Young, Lady, You're going to start your day off with a hot breakfast," Betty tells her.

For his part, David seems to be able to adapt to being in black and white in Pleasantville quite naturally. Not so, Jennifer who doesn't even understand why they are going to a 50's high school and lets David know about it in no uncertain terms:

Jennifer: (talking about the breakfast she has just eaten) All that animal fat, I can feel it in my pores. I still don't see why we're doing this.

David: Because we're supposed to be in school.

Jennifer: We're supposed to be at home! We're supposed to be in color!.......You listen to me for just a minute. I don't know what you've done but you better fix it, fast. I had a date with Mark David and I even bought new underwear.

David: Okay. We have to play along for a little while until that guy shows up again.

Jennifer: Play along!?

David: Yes, I am Bud Parker and you are Mary Sue.

Jennifer: No. No, I'm not going to do it. If I don't dress like this for mom, I'm sure as hell not going to do it for you.

David: We have no choice, Jen. We are stuck here until that guy shows up again.

Jennifer: Why can't we just explain it to someone?

David: To who?

A question to which Jennifer has no answer. But there is one thing that does help her come around. A good looking hunk by the name of Skip Martin (Paul Walker) who happens by during their initial trek to school.

Jennifer: Who's that.

David: Skip Martin, captain of the basketball team.

Jennifer: Does he like me?

David: As a matter of fact, he does.

Later, David points out Jennifer's friends.

Jennifer: Those are my friends?

David: Peggy Jane, Lisa Anne, Betty Jean

Jennifer: Can we do any better?

David: I don't think so.

So it is left up to David to keep Jennifer out of trouble and to keep her from making Pleasantville anything less than perfect. In other words, he has to convince her to continue to follow the script. And at first Pleasantville does seem to be a Utopia of sorts.

It is a perfect 72 degrees all the time. There is never any inclement weather. The basketball team makes every basket and wins every game. Nothing ever burns, and the only job the fire department has is to rescue cats out of trees. Nobody ever has a harsh word for anybody else. And everybody knows what they are expected to do and what the end result will be.

But as it is, keeping things perfect turns out to be a full time job for David. For instance, when Skip asks David if it is okay to ask Mary Sue (Jennifer) out on a date, David replies that now might not be the best time to do so, even though he knows he is supposed to reply to the affirmative. This prompts Skip to angrily shoot the basket he is holding and for the first time in his life it fails to go in. As the other players look on in disbelief and the ball rolls slowly down the court, the coach tells them to "stand back and don't touch it."

"I'm sure we'll work something out," David quickly recants to Skip.

Later, when David asks her to go out with Skip, Jennifer is not sure.

David: I thought you liked him.

Jennifer: Yeah, but I don't know

David: One date, Jen, that's all I'm asking. If you don't go out with this guy we could throw their whole universe out of whack.

Jennifer: It's too weird David, this place gives me the creeps. Did you know the books are blank? I went in the library, they have covers and there is nothing inside of them.

David: What were you doing in the library?

Jennifer: I got lost.

David: Jen, listen. I will get us out of here. I really will, but if we don't play along we can alter their whole existence, and then we may never get home.

Jennifer: Do you really think anybody's going to notice if I don't have a chocolate malt with this guy?

But it doesn't take long to realize that for their perfect existence, the citizens of Pleasantville are paying a price. Other than what exists within the confined borders of their town, nothing else exists for them, and their life is as predictable as well, a TV sitcom.

In geography class, the students are taught that Main Street begins where Elm Street ends. When Jennifer asks the teacher what is at the end of main street, everybody looks at her as if it is the strangest thing they had ever heard. Yeah, I know that look from my own high school experiences.

"At the end of Main Street is the beginning of Main Street," the Teacher explains.

The days of the citizens of Pleasantville are made up of the same dull and deadly scripted daily routine, such as bridge on Tuesday, meatloaf on Wednesday, chicken on Sunday. The men all leave for work at the same time, and they all come home at the exact same time every day. They enter the house in the same way every day, through the same gate, and the same door, with the expectations that their spouses will have a fully cooked meal on the table. Their wives are here for nothing more than to take care of the house, look after the kids when necessary (which isn't much since nothing bad ever takes place), and have the meals on the table at the proper time.

When they bowl, nobody gets less than a spare. The malt shop sells only one type of food: cheeseburgers and fries. Their existence remains constant from day to day, never changing, never experiencing sadness, hurt, or anger. Nobody is born, nobody dies, and from the looks of things there is no Hospital.

The married couples all sleep in twin beds, so there is no joy of sex. It is a land of Stepford people in a sense, not because the citizens of Pleasantville are robotic emotionally, but because they only know the confined world in which they exist, nothing more nothing less. They are hamsters running constantly on the same caged wheel.

They have the same emotions available to them as you or I, but with no disasters, threat of death, or unpleasantness to trigger and emotional extremes, and absolutely nothing to stir their curiosity, they remain a constantly happy, smiling, bunch. They are the ultimate lemmings.

But just as David accidentally upset the grand Pleasantville master plan when he told Skip that Mary Sue (Jennifer) might not go out with him, the same thing happens when David is late for work. His boss at the malt shop, Bill Johnson (Jeff Daniels), is unable to cope with this one tiny deviation from the pattern that he has followed for all of his existence.

David: What's wrong?

Bill: Well, I always wipe down the counter, and then you set out the napkins and the glasses, and then I make the French Fries. But you didn't come so I just kept wiping. (At his point both we and David see that he has wiped the finish completely off of the counter)

David: I'm sorry. You know, if this ever happens again, you can make the fries even if I haven't put out the napkins yet.

Bill: Oh! Thank you!

Later, after Bud has left early, Bill shows up at their home.

Bill: Bud, you know how when we close up I close the register and then you lower the blinds and I turn out the lights and we both lock the doors? Well you weren't around this time so I did the whole thing by myself.

David: Wow.

Bill: And I didn't even do it in the same order. First I lowered the blinds and then I closed the register.

And while all of this may seem insignificant to some, these first baby steps Bill has taken will open the shackles of his existence that he has been bound to for an eternity. And when Betty suddenly appears in the doorway, there is an instant hint of attraction between them as if somebody had suddenly lit up their pheromones with a gasoline torch. And just as it doesn't escape our notice, it doesn't go unnoticed by David either.

Not one to be tied down to the morals of the 50's, it doesn't take long for Jennifer to do her own thing despite David's warnings. On her very first date with Skip, in one of the funniest scenes in the film, Jennifer seduces him at Lovers Lane.

Later, when Skip drives away after having dropped Jennifer at her home, we see Pleasantville's first splash of color in single rose and it almost comes as a shock. By this time we have become so accustomed to the stark black and white world of Pleasantville, it's as if the rose is there as a sign that things are indeed changing.

The next day Skip relates his experience of the previous night to the basketball team who stand and listen in awe. Sort of a kiss and tell section. But don't blame Skip. He didn't know any better. Afterwards the basketball team is unable to make a basket. When David tries to admonish Jennifer for what she has done, it is Jennifer who becomes the voice of reason:

David: You can't do this Jennifer, I warned you.

Jennifer: So what's the big deal? Oh, Ok. They're not good at basketball anymore. Oh my God, what a tragedy!

David: You don't understand. You're messing with their whole goddamn universe.

Jennifer: Maybe it needs to be messed with, David. Did that ever occur to you?

P.J. (calling from the end of the hall): Hey M.S., how are you doing?

Jennifer: Cool, P.J. How you doing?

P.J.: Cool, Cool.

Jennifer: Cool

David: COOL! COOL? What are you doing to these people? You can't do this to them.

Jennifer: If I don't do it, who will?

David: But they're happy like this.

Jennifer: No. David, nobody is happy in a poodle skirt and a sweater set. You really like this don't you? No, it's not like you think it's funny or dorky or anything. You really like it.

David: No, you have it all wrong.

Jennifer: Stop. I am personally mortified to be your sister.

David: You have no right to do this to them.

Jennifer: David, listen to me for just a minute. People don't want to be geeks. They want to be attractive. They have a lot of potential. They just don't know any better.

David: They don't have that kind of potential.

Jennifer: Oh yeah, look at that. (At which point Jennifer points out a girl blowing bubbles, bubbles that are in living color.)

And it isn't long before Jennifer and Skip aren't the only ones making out at Lover's Lane. At one point it seems as if every teenager in town is parked there. And as the townspeople have new worlds and ideas open up to them, color begins slowly creeping into their lives.

And there are other things going on as well. A double bed appears in the sales window of a furniture store. When Betty is playing cards with her friends, the conversation turns to a green car parked in front of Bill Johnson's Malt shop. We see the effect the very mention of Bill Johnson has on her, and when she opens up her cards, they too are in color.

While doing dishes one night, Betty finally asks Jennifer what is it the kids do at Lover's Lane.

"Do, they hold hands?" Betty asks.

"Well, yes," Jennifer answers.

"Is that all?" Betty asks again.

At first Jennifer is hesitant to answer but she does. "Well, there's also sex," she tells her quietly.

Betty mulls it over for just a second. "What's sex?" she asks.

And Jennifer explains it to her just as a mother would explain to her daughter.

"Are you okay?" Jennifer asks when she is finished.. Afterwards, Betty tells Jennifer that her father would never do anything that she has described.

"Well, you know mom, there are other ways," Jennifer tells her.

So later, when Betty gives herself an orgasm of cataclysmic proportions, some sort of built up energy force is released causing the tree in their yard to burst into flames by spontaneous combustion.

It is also the first fire Pleasantville has ever seen as evidenced that when David goes to the Fire Department and yells "Fire" nobody moves. When he yells "cat" they all head for the fire truck and head to the fire. But upon arrival their only question is, "Where's the cat?"

In one particular episode of the TV series Pleasantville, Margaret Henderson (Marley Shelton) had baked oatmeal cookies for a guy named Whitey (David Tom) who then drover her out to lover's lane. But it is Bud (David) she has a crush on now after he has become a local hero.

Although at first insisting that the cookies are Whitey's, Bud ends up taking the cookies, finally succumbing to what is becoming inevitable.

Later, at the Malt Shop, in one of my absolutely favorite scenes, the other kids along with Jennifer are waiting for him as Dave Brubeck's Take Five plays in the background. By now, parts of the diner and a several of the students are in living color. They would like to know how David knew how to put out the fire:

Jennifer (quietly): Hey

David (Looking around puzzled): Hey. What's going on?

Jennifer: I'm not sure. They want to ask you a question I didn't really know how to handle it.

David: Okay

David (speaking to the students): You wanted to ask me something?

Student: How'd you know about the fire?

David: What?

Student: How'd you know how to put it out?

David: Oh. Well, where I used to live that's just what firemen did.

Student: And where's that?

David is unsure if he should answer but it is obvious that everyone in the soda shop including Bill, who is behind the counter listening attentively, not only wants an explanation, but that they won't be satisfied until they get one.

David: Outside of Pleasantville. (The students are amazed that such a thing is even possible.)

Student: What's outside of Pleasantville?

David: (trying to put the genie back in the bottle): It doesn't matter it's not important.

But it is too late. Once you achieve a thirst for knowledge there’s no shutting it down. And as if David needed anymore convincing, Margaret steps out of the crowd.

Margaret: What's outside of Pleasantville?

David: There are some places that the road doesn't go in a circle. There are some places where the road keeps going.

Students in unison in a whisper: Keeps going!

Female Student: Keeps Going?

David: Yeah it just keeps going. It all keeps going, rivers and roads.

Another Student: Like the mighty Mississippi?

David (surprised that he even knows about the Mississippi) What?

The student hands David a copy of Huckleberry Finn. Inside, half of the book has words and pictures on what used to be blank pages.

David: I thought the books were blank?

Student: They were.

Jennifer: Okay. This was not my fault. When they asked me what it was about, I didn't remember because I read it back in the tenth grade. When I told them what I did remember, that's when the pages filled in.

David: The pages filled in?

Jennifer: Um....hmm...but only up until the part with the raft. 'Cause that's as far as I read.

Student: Do you know how it ends?

David: Yeah, I do.

Margaret: So, how does it end?

David: Well, Ok. Let's see they were running away, Huck and the slave, They were trying to get up the river, trying to get free. And in trying to get free they see that they are sort of free already.

And at that moment the rest of the words and pictures magically fill in.

Before long there is a line of students waiting to get into the library. More and more students begin to appear in color as the doors of knowledge have now been sprung open and their world expanded beyond the borders of Pleasantville.

And it is at this point that the film begins to steer away from its comedic tone to take on one of a more ominous tone. Because when there is change, there will always be some who view it as a threat to their way of life.

In Pleasantville there are those who can't deal with the fact that some of their friends are buying double beds when they've always slept in twin beds or that the basketball team could possibly lose a game, or even that a girl might wear a provocatively tight red sweater.

The husbands want their dinner on the table when they come home and the house to be taken care of properly. The very idea of sleeping in a double bed is horrendous to them. They would rather find a way to not only impede change, but to revert things back to the way of life they had always known, because for them it worked just fine that way.

But this is not just a product of Pleasantville. This idea that change or progress is always unwanted exists in our own societies, and when change does come there are those who resent it just as as much as they do in Pleasantville. And with resentment comes hatred, and ridicule, and prejudice against those things that they cannot understand. Everything and anybody suddenly becomes a threat.

And just as the citizens of Pleasantville learn from David and Jennifer, the two of them learn as well. For the first time Jennifer begins to discover that there is more to life beyond being the most popular girl in school and "doing the slut thing" as she calls it.

Seeing the sudden thirst for knowledge and the longing to expand their horizons causes Jennifer to do something she would never have done had she not been zapped into the TV set. For the first time in her life she reads a book, from beginning to end and she begins to see all things she had always thrown by the wayside or had no use for previously.

Jennifer: What's wrong?

David (stepping into her room and seeing that she is reading): Listen....you're reading?

Jennifer: I can't believe you started such a dorky fad. It's D.H. Lawrence. You ever heard of him?

David: Yes.

Jennifer: Yeah I read a couple of pages. Seemed kind of sexy.

David: It is

Jennifer: Can I ask you a question?

David: Sure.

Jennifer: How come I'm still in black and white?

David: What?

Jennifer: I've had 10 times as much sex as the rest of these girls and I still look like this. I mean they spend like an hour in the back seat of some car and all of a sudden they're in Technicolor!

David: I don't know. Maybe it's not just the sex.

And just by reading one book, Jennifer discovers for herself that it is not just the sex. Only when sex begins to mean something does it take it to a higher level. And because that book has open new worlds of her own, it becomes the most precious thing she could own. It is the first book she has ever read from cover to cover.

David has his own voyage of discovery. He learns that you cannot escape that which is around you. You cannot hide or lose yourself in order not to cope with those afflictions that occur in your daily life.

And in their own moment of self discovery, David and Jennifer find not only themselves but begin to look upon each other as something other than a nuisance brought about by their circumstances of birth.

As we also find out, being free, being able to choose, does have a price. But it is a price that we pay for those freedoms. Things may work out and they may not. Life can be messy sometimes, and just as David discovers, it is better to deal with it than to hide your head in the sand or pretend it doesn't exist

This is a wonderfully conceived film. Even after giving you a synopsis that takes you about halfway through the film I'm tempted to do more. But printed words can never do it justice, as the visuals in it are almost as important as the dialog.

And worse, if you’ve never seen the film, you would never forgive me for depriving you of discovering everything else the film holds in store for you. Each scene is cleverly written, crafted and pieced together by Gary Ross. You can watch this film over and over again, and there will always be new discoveries, details that had been unnoticed in previous viewings.

When the teenagers are in the classroom, the teachers desk is lined perfectly with all the apples that each student has brought. When Mayor Big Bob (J.T. Walsh in his last role) stands in front of the bowling screens as if they were the US flag (a scene in which Ross says he was paying homage to Patton), every frame is either a spare or a strike. When all the men of the house arrive home at the same time it is like a well choreographed ballet. And David and Margaret’s trip to Lover’s Lane with Etta James singing At Last, is unforgettably beautiful.

The acting is outstanding on all fronts. After having seen Reese Witherspoon in The Man in the Moon previous to this film, it becomes obvious that her great performance in that film was no fluke (as later events have of course proven). She never overplays Jennifer to a point where she becomes unlikable, even in her seduction of Skip. And her transformation isn't one that hits you over the head. It's obvious, yet subtle and so gradual that it just kind of creeps up on you.

Tobey Maguire is a discovery here before he went on to spin his Spidey web. When his real life mother leaves home for the rendezvous, and you can almost feel his need to be recognized by her. Without saying a word, his attraction towards Margaret becomes the driving force in his own reincarnation. Whether it's explaining books in the soda shop, or rendezvousing with Margaret at Lover’s Lane he gets it right and every scene is as unforgettable as the previous ones.

As Betty Parker, Joan Allen not only matches Maguire and Witherspoon every step of the way, but even surpasses them in a truly remarkable performance that should have been acknowledged more than it was at the time. The scene in which Toby goes to the kitchen to see what is keeping her from bringing Big Bob his pineapple kabobs is priceless, as are her many scenes with both Jeff Daniels and William H. Macy. She is moving, touching, and graceful. She’ll make your heart break.

It would be really easy to totally dislike the character of Macy’s George, but we don't. He has lived all his life by the rules of the same dull routine day after day. He is unable to deal with any little thing out of the ordinary that doesn't fit the script. One telling moment expertly played by Macy, happens when he returns home from work to find the gate open. It has never been left open before. He swings the gate trying to figure out or better yet, trying to understand how it such a thing could possibly be. When he goes into the house he puts his hat on the coat rack, sets down his luggage, and yells, "Honey, I'm Home." Just as he has done countless times before. But when there is no response, his first reaction is that he did something out of order, so he replays everything he has done to make sure he got it exactly right.

The Pleasantville Music Book

There is not one bad performance in this film, not one wasted scene, and not one wasted sentence of dialog. And it is all complemented by what I consider one of Randy Newman’s best scores. Use the YouTube player on the left to experience this terrific soundtrack first hand.

I don't know what propelled Ross to use Dave Brubeck's Take Five for the Soda Shop enlightenment scene, but it works and the music piece has become a favorite of mine since the first time I saw this film just because of that scene alone. And I wish I could bring you a clip of David and Margaret's arrival at Lover's Lane with Etta James "At Last" playing in the background. Every time I watch that particular beautifully photographed scene and hear her voice I just want to replay it again and again and again. Let's face it. I have replayed it often along with the entire movie quite a few times.

There is no doubt that Gary Ross's film was a labor of love. I don't think that audiences gave it the recognition it deserved upon its release, nor did it receive much in the way of accolades from the major awards. But it should have.

The film grossed an estimated $40 million on a $40 million dollar budget. But although some critics such as Roger Ebert loved it as did the late Gene Siskel (both critics placed the film in their top ten for 1998 with Siskel placing it at number 3 and Ebert placing it at a lofty number 2 ) , there were other critics who for some strange reason tried to apply logic in a world that does not play by the rules they are used to. They don’t understand that the film was never meant to play by any set of rules known to us. It is as Roger Ebert called it, “a parable.” Thus the ideas behind the film completely escape them.

More Pleasantville Clips - These clips were accumulated from you tube. None of them belong to me. As always with you tube clips what plays one day may not play tomorrow so watch while you can.

Many of them perceive the film as simply a criticism of sanitized television broadcast in the 50's and an exaggerated look at the sit coms of the 50's and early 60's TV. I don't think Ross ever meant for the town of Pleasantville to be exactly like those depicted in shows such as Father Knows Best, The Donna Reed Show, or Ozzie and Harriet. Pleasantville is in fact an over the top facsimile of those towns for reasons that are always readily apparent to me.

It is that way to bring home a message, a message that life is ever changing, sometimes for the good, and sometimes not so good. But if we don't evolve as times change, and when we don't use those freedoms given to us or stand up for our beliefs, or when we fall into a pattern of unified conformity as so often is the case these days to satisfy our thirst for instant gratification (in a way, much like Jennifer’s goal of instant popularity), then we are no different and no better than the townspeople of Pleasantville were.

As much as we would like for things always to remain constant, change cannot and will not be held back, nor should it be feared. More importantly, especially in the times in which we live now, where people are quickly denigrated for opinions and thoughts beyond that of the masses, one should be able to express new ideas and different opinions without fear, without malice, and without contempt.

It doesn't really matter to me how other critics may view the film. It's one of those rare films that touches me no matter how often I view it. And when a film does that I have no choice but to render it a grade of A+.

Pleasantville is available on DVD from The Clyde Amazon Store. Or you can watch it via Amazon on Demand as well. But for me it is a must buy and would be only one of a few films that I would upgrade to blu-ray if it were available.

Follow That Dream (1962)

2009-09-15T21:30:00.001-07:00

Hi, and thanks for visiting. If you've read the long text in the right hand margin, then you know that I'll be closing up shop on this blog as I get the reviews moved and placed in my regular blog Clyde's Stuff. I have updated this review since moving it, and updated the videos so that they all work. So if you would like to read my take on Follow That Dream, just use the links here on in the margin. Thanks again, and I appreciate your support.

Holiday Inn (1942)

2009-01-02T00:37:00.001-08:00

Hello again. If you're looking for my review of Holiday Inn, you can now find it in it's entirety at my blog Clyde's Stuff. I want to thank you for your patronage over the past few years even when I haven't been able to write much. Eventually, all my reviews will be at the Clyde's Stuff blog, as will anything else I may write about. If you want to go directly to the Holiday Inn review you can do so by using the links at the top of the right hand column. Thanks again.

Airport (1970)

2008-09-13T03:24:00.001-07:00

Written and Directed by George Seaton

Based on the novel by Arthur Hailey

Music by Alfred Newman

"At half-past six on a Friday evening in January, Lincoln International Airport, Illinois, was functioning, though with difficulty" - The Opening line of Arthur Hailey's Airport.

In 1968, Arthur Hailey's best selling novel Airport seemed as if it would be a permanent fixture at the top of the best seller's lists. It was an intricate detailed telling of the inner workings of fictional Lincoln International Airport trying desperately to function during one of the worst snow storms in decades. Hailey had researched the book for five years, and as he weaved his soap opera storyline magic, we gained a fascinating behind the scenes look of airport operations, why airlines function the way they do, and a detailed look at the stressful lives of air-traffic controllers.

It was these details that made the novel such a great read. Hailey wrote his characters with substance, digging deep into their personalities, motivations and psyche, so that we always understood their actions and reactions. The basic story lines may have sometimes seemed like the stuff high class soap-operas are made of, but when placed against the behind the scenes backdrop of a major Metropolitan airport, everything seemed incredibly fresh.

Of course, things have changed quite a bit in the forty years since Hailey's book was written. In those days, airports and airline companies seemed to have been willing to bend over backwards to please the paying customer although I couldn't attest to it personally. I didn't take my first ride in the wild blue yonder until 2001. But I'll take Hailey's word for it. As you know, especially if you've been reading any consumer web pages or magazines at all, the worm has turned and most airline policies seem to be based on one single industry wide proposition: Make the cash and screw the paying customer any way you can.

Still, I suppose some things are the same. I imagine being an air traffic controller is just as stressful now as it was then if not more so despite the improvements that may have occurred in the system. I mean, aren't there even more aircraft both large and small up there like chess pieces in a daily game of chicken trying to stay out of each other's way?

And it would also seem that in 2008, airlines and airports are just as clueless about dealing with the weather as they were in 1968, and probably even less so since pleasing the customer is no longer put above raking in the profits which may be one of the reasons they have such a tough time making those profits these days. But I can't swear to that, and since Hailey departed for that great big runaway in the sky four years ago he isn't around to update his book for us. So I guess I'll have to remain clueless on that particular subject until the next expose on the Discovery Channel.

All of that aside, in 1970, Hailey's book hit the big screen as an all star glitzy Hollywood production. Unable to put all of the complex details of Airport operations onto the big screen, director and writer George Seaton gave us a whole lot of melodrama and just a little bit of the technical details included in the bestselling novel, only throwing them in as time permits. And it doesn't permit much.

As Hollywood spectacle it's fun to watch though and taken on that level you won't mind it a bit. If you've read Hailey's novel, you'll probably be a bit disappointed in the fact that so much was left out of the screenplay including one of the more intriguing subplots involving a suicidal air traffic controller. Too bad too, because it dramatically portrayed the plight of those who who work constantly under a great deal of stress that some of us could never understand or even think of coping with.

Of course in a film such as this with enough plots to make six movies, you are bound by the unwritten law of Hollywood to have a recognizable all star cast. So get your pens and pencils out and get ready to draw a chart or just use the handy pictorial I have included.

Headlining Airport are Burt Lancaster as Mel Bakersfield the airport manager, and Dean Martin as Mel's brother-in-law and philandering pilot, Vern Demerest. Lancaster is easily the better of the two. He has this aura of efficiency about him that makes us believe he could be running a Metropolitan Airport. And that's exactly what he does throughout most of Airport's running time. Mel deals with pickets, an aircraft mired deep into the fallen snow, and a stowaway in between juggling phone calls from his wife and lusting after Tonya Livingston.

Dean Martin plays Dean Martin pretending to be the aforementioned playboy pilot. Still, he manages to make the character a likable and amiable guy, because Martin always has had this amicable and casual air about him. So regardless of what character he is playing, we alway like the Dino. But in Hailey's novel Vern Demerest was far from being likable. He was in fact a total jerk and didn't redeem himself until the very late stages of the novel.

One major disappointment is the fact that Martin and Lancaster only have two brief scenes together. It would have been nice if Seaton would have added a few more, just so we could watch two legends on screen together even if the material was nothing more than a Twinkie sandwich. Lancaster once called the film "the worst piece of junk ever made" This despite making a fortune from his 10 percent profit participation once the film hit 48 million. Martin did even better, pocketing a cool seven million from his ten percent of the gross which adjusts to about $36 million in today's dollars.

Jean Seberg plays Tonya Livingston, an airline representative who has designs on Mel despite the fact that Mel is still married to Cyndi played by Dana Wynter. We believe Seberg as the airline rep., but the romantic chemistry between Seberg and Lancaster never really clicks. If the relationship were gone into in more detail as it was in the book then perhaps one would feel differently. And although we know Seberg's character is attracted to Mel through some o f her actions, not once do we get any clue from Lancaster's character that he feels any emotional involvement with her. Here, it is really short changed and there is only a few hints about what their relationship may or may not be or is going to be. The only thing we know for sure is that Tonya gives great omelets.

In the book, Mel's wife Cyndi was played as a horny shrew who had only two things on her mind: Getting laid and moving up in social status, not necessarily in that order. She had one rich boyfriend on the side for social climbing, and in one memorable chapter found another one to take care of her physical needs which pretty much would have left Mel out in the cold. But alas, all that is missing from the screenplay and Cyndi is only portrayed as a social climbing shrew who appears on screen just long enough to annoy the crap out of Mel and us. Except for one scene, She is mostly seen chewing him out in split screen mode over the telephone. (This movie has an abundance of split screens and pictures in pictures but they are well done.)

Next up in our role call is Jacqueline Bisset, who plays stewardess and Mistress Gwen Meighen who also happens to have gotten herself pregnant (Captain, we have an extra passenger on board) by one Vernon Demerest. As Gwen, Bisset gives us one of the more believable characters in this film, making us understand her feelings for Vern enough that when she says she loves him at one dramatic junction of the film, we totally believe her.

Vern though, is married to Sarah (Barbara Hale, who was a workhorse playing Della Street on Perry Mason for nine years, and then again for several more years in it's reincarnation in the 80's and 90's). She also happens to be Mel Bakersfield's sister which means she spends a lot of time playing referee since Mel and Vern loathe each other thoroughly and completely (There is reason for the antagonism given in the novel, it is never dealt with in the film). But Sarah and Vern's marriage is a marriage of convenience. It enables Vern to flash his wedding ring when one of his lady friends start to become too serious. Sarah knows what is going on but as she tells Mel, "he always returns home."

George Kennedy provides comedy relief as Joe Patroni, an ace airline mechanic brought in to remove an airliner mired in the snow and blocking a key runway. It was the also the beginning of a long career for Kennedy

in not only three more Airport flicks but Universal hauled his ass into L.A. to play a cop in Earthquake as well. I guess you

could say that Kennedy is your quintessential disaster film actor. But he is quite entertaining in this film, and when I first saw the film he is exactly the way I would have pictured Petroni.

Helen Hayes makes a three point landing at Lincoln International as Ada Quonsett, a professional stowaway. Though she may look like a sweet little old lady, don't be fooled. Having won an Oscar in 1932 for The Sin of Madelon Claudet, she would pick up another one thirty eight years later as a supporting actress for her role as Ada Quonsett. Here, she is kind of cute and cuddly in a conniving sort of way. In the book she was anything but that as we were clued into what Ada was actually thinking when she was being the sweet little old lady. Let's just say that her thoughts didn't jive with her outter personna.

The very best in this film though are Van Heflin as D.O. Guerrero, a down on his luck, out of work construction worker, who hatches a chilling desperate plan to change the financial fortunes of his family. As his wife Inez, Maureen Stapleton may not have copped the Best Supporting Actress Oscar, but should have. I guess annoyingly cute little old ladies who stowaway on airplanes trump everything else in Hollywood. Stapleton's portrayal of Inez is easily the best performance you'll see in this film, with Heflin's chilling portrayal of a down on his luck construction worker out to become the first suicide bomber a close second.

There are also a few lesser characters. Lloyd Nolan shows up as a sharp as a tack customs agent, Gary Collins shows up as flight engineer Cy Jordan, and Barry Nelson plays Captain and co-pilot Anson Harris.

One of the other great stars of Airport is the snow storm itself. In scenes filmed by Ernest Lazlo and directed by Henry Hathaway, the outdoor settings of snow blanketing the airport are so realistic; you'll be going to the closet to grab a coat. Alfred Newman' s terrific score over the opening credits makes the title sequence of this film one of my all time favorites. I mean, who knew that snow could not only be made to look this great, but be exciting as well. As for Newman, he also wrote and conducted another favorite score of mine, that being How The West Was Won. Sadly, Airport would be his last complete work before passing away.

Ross Hunter was the producer on airport. His involvement in glitzy Hollywood soap operas of the past such as Imitation of Life, Madame X, would help to explain much of the goings on in this film.

On another note, I was unimpressed with Edith Head's costume design for the film. The stewardess uniforms seem bland to the point where Bisset's outfit seems almost matronly and everybody else walks around as if they are dressed in strait-jackets. It's all a bit too formal for me.

But somehow Director and screenwriter George Seaton manages to keep his myriad of plots from running into each other, and the film really zips along at just a tad over two hours worth of running time.

Airport will never be confused with great film making. Nonetheless, it is still highly watch-able entertainment and an airplane hanger full of fun. It's also a film of a bygone era, and it's the kind of lavish all star melodrama super technicolorized extravaganza we may never see again. Airport gives us a lot of plots, a lot of stars, a shit pot full of snow and just enough suspense to keep things moving along. It also does it in grand style, and if you do anything in grand style no matter how predictable everything else may be, I have no choice but to give you my grade which lands on runway two-niner as a solid B.

Airport is available as part of the three disc Airport Terminal Pack available on DVD which also includes its three sequels, for better or worse....well mostly worse. But the price is right, which Amazon lists at $14.99 right now and you can't beat getting four movies for less than $20 bucks with a snow shovel. Okay, so three of the movies are crap, you can't have everything.

Journey of Natty Gann (1985)

2008-09-01T05:57:00.001-07:00

starring

Meredith Salenger

John Cusack

Ray Wise

Lainie Kazan

Scatman Crothers

Jed

Directed by Jeremy Kagan

Original Score by James Horner

The original theatrical trailer for The Journey of Natty Gann. The score used in the trailer is by Elmer Brenstein, and not the James Hoerner score used in the final film. I love Bernstein, but after listening to both scores I would say Hoerner's is the better fit.

I'm sure parents who took their children to see Natty Gann, a film carrying the Disney label, were surprised and shocked to discover that it was not necessarily a film for younger children. Released in 1985, the film had no Computer Wearing Tennis shoes, no Worlds Greatest Athlete, No Invisible College Student, and no Barefoot Chimpanzee Executive. It is often a dark, realistic, and gritty film, set in the era of the Great Depression. At it's heart, it is a story of a young girl traveling across country to find her father, but it is also the story of people searching for hope and trying to survive in an age when just having food on the table was a daily struggle.

Natty Gann (Meredith Salenger) lives with her widower father, Sol (Ray Wise), in an apartment house located in Chicago and run by Connie (Lainie Kazan) during the Depression. Right away we learn how desperate the situation is for just about everybody as Director Jeremy Kagan focuses on the plight of the thousands hoping desperately for a days work, and others who know they are being hired dirt cheap at slave wages because the bosses know they have no choice but to accept what is offered.

While Sol looks for work, Natty wanders the streets of Chicago, making friends, picking up stray dogs, and just hanging out with her friends. One such friend is Sherman (Scatman Crothers), a street peddler, whom we meet as he tries to sell a woman a pot while she debates whether or not it is worth ten cents. When Natty offers him fifteen cents, the woman quickly changes her mind and gives Sherman the fifteen cents Natty had offered. The scene may seem unimportant on the surface, but it goes a long way into setting what will become the prevalent theme through out the film. No matter how dark things may be, no matter how much we may despair over our situation, as long as we have some amount of hope to cling to, whether its small or large, then we can retain our unrelenting will to survive. It is that strong desire to live on that makes us no different from any species on the planet, but it is the feeling of hope that sets us apart.

Siskel and Ebert review Journey of Natty Gann after they first review Better Off Dead. Although they give rave reviews for Natty, they pan Better Off Dead. Something I don't agree with.

When Sol is offered a job in a logging camp in Washington, he is only given moments to come to a decision: Either take the job and leave Natty behind, or stay in Chicago with Natty and hopefully find work elsewhere. At first, rejecting the job offer, he steps forlornly out into the Chicago streets.

But outside, just as Sol does, we see the faces of all those who have little hope if any left. They have been beaten downward into an abyss of desperation which they may not survive once that last glimmer of hope is extinguished. It is after this brief but telling moment that Sol realizes, as we do, there is no decision to be debated over. If Sol, and Natty are to survive, then he has no choice but to accept the work in a Seattle lumber camp. Unable to find Natty, who is wandering the streets, Sol is reluctantly forced to leave her in the care of Connie.

But we are well aware that Natty has nothing but disdain for the overbearing Connie. The tension between the two of them brings things to a head, and after Natty overhears Connie reporting her as an abandoned child, she decides not to wait for her father to send for her, and begins an arduous journey across country to find him.

If ever there was a film that is a picture of contrasts it's this one. Early in the film we are given the harsh reality of depression era Chicago. Director Jeremy Kagan does not spare us from the details. We watch as men stand hopelessly and helplessly praying and hoping for work. There is a harsh scene where Natty witnesses a friend of hers and his family being evicted from their home.

Later, as Sol is heading to Washington in the bus, we see another family on the road with their meager belongings strapped to their car as they head west, their car no longer operable. When Natty walks through the market place vendors sell what meager items they have just to get buy on the nickels dimes and pennies they may or may not bring in. After Natty runs away we see her fishing for food out of a trash can for an edible morsel. Later, as she travels westward, there is beautifully photographed scenery of forests and mountains doubly emphasizing Natty's lonely quest, but Director Kagan astutely reminds us of the bleakness of the depression with many scenes of the struggle in rural America, ranging from a scene of a farmer and his much pregnant wife plowing a field to scenes of orphaned and abandoned children left to be wards of the state.

This is not your Daddy's Disney, nor your grandfather's. Dick Bush's cinematography of the wilderness is breathtaking, yet in the scenes set in Chicago and even in the farm towns of America, he mutes his colors to enhance the contrast between beauty and desperation. James Horner's score is also exceptionally brilliant, but Bush uses it only when the scene absolutely calls for it. For instance, in the early scenes in Chicago, it is not used at all.

When Natty jumps her first train, she is helped and befriended by Harry (John Cusack), who is also riding the rails. Cusack in his first major dramatic role after The Sure Thing, shows for the first time that he was not just a comedic actor, but had dramatic prowess as well. Harry may be very young, but Cusack gives him the edge of a man aged well beyond his years. His venture westward will make or break him.

The other star of this film is Wolf (played by the brilliantly trained Malamute-wolf mix Jed). In one of her stops Natty stumbles upon a building used for dog fights and it is a battle to the death. There can only be one survivor. When Wolf tries to escape, and there appears to be no exit, Natalie holds the door open for him. Later, Natty meets up again with Wolf when she tries to jump a train, but Wolf will have none of it. Natty chooses another box car. But in time, Wolf overcomes his suspicions, Natty overcomes her timidity, and they soon begin to depend on one another for their very survival.

Salenger, as Natty, is more than just a teenage actress plopped in here as the generic teenager. Her characterization draws us into the story from the first moments of this film to the last. It is the key that holds this film together and if it had been put into less capable hands the film would surely not have succeeded as well. Certainly she showed she had the ability to carry a film, the question is why she was never afforded the opportunity to do so later in her career.

A Musical sample of James Hoerner's terrific score.

There is no doubt though that Natty's quest to reunite with her father is a journey for the ages, and one you will not soon forget. And if you are a journey for the ages I have no choice but to give you a very well deserved A, with a Caveat.

The Caveat:

In what may be the most remarkable live action film to come out of the Disney studios during the 80's or even the 70's for that matter, I find the treatment it has received from it's own studio appalling. The best thing I can compare it to is having a ruby but discarding it because you only prefer diamonds. Considering all the costume jewelry Disney released in the aforementioned decades, you would think they would have more respect for this outstanding gem.

The transfer of this wonderful film is appalling. It's bad enough when a film that shouts "wide screen" is only released in a very horrid poorly done pan and scan and cropped version, but the full screen transfer is one of the worst if not the worst I have ever seen. It gives new meaning to the word grainy. At times the picture jitters, something that is very apparent especially early in the films. There are signs of the film's age running rampant throughout and no visible effort to clean it up digitally or otherwise. I'm not one to believe every film should come with a boatload of extras, and have no problem if a studio wants to give us just the film, but there is absolutely no excuse for the poor picture quality of this DVD.

This movie is a gem, and for the Disney studios to tarnish it and treat it in this unconscionable manner, saddens me terribly. What is more frustrating is the fact that Disney can do quality video releases, so just a decent film to DVD wide screen transfer would not have been a lot to ask for. If you don't want to treat your merchandise with the care that it deserves, then sell the rights to a company who might such as Anchor Bay or Criterion. It's damn bad enough that you couldn't even find the film in print for many years as it was abandoned completely, but to release it on a DVD that isn't even upto par with VHS should rain shame on your Studio. If Walt were alive, I guarantee you that no Disney film, regardless of what some idiotic stupid studio head thought of the quality, would be released in the condition that this film was. Disney you deserve an F.

(Note: It was necessary for me to touch up and make some effort to improve the pictures in the review to make them appear better than they do on the DVD. Here are some actual screen captures presented in their original state)

Where Angels Go, Trouble Follows (1968)

2008-07-08T14:41:00.001-07:00

Looking for Where Angels Go...Trouble Follows? The review has been moved to my blog, Clyde's Stuff and is readily available to view there. It has been updated, which includes a couple of photo's I had previously removed because the photo shopped topic had become outdated. If you read my blurb at the top of the page you know that this move is an ongoing process. I want to thank you for your patronage. If you want to read my take on this film, you can do so by clicking this link. See you at Clyde's Stuff.

Fathom (1967)

2008-06-22T02:57:00.001-07:00

Starring
Raquel Welch
Tony Franciosa
Ronald Frasier
Richard Briers
Clive Revill
Tom Adams
Greta Chi

The first time that I saw Raquel Welch on the big screen, she was wearing a skin tight unrevealing white jump suit aboard the submarine Proteus in the 1966 science fiction film Fantastic Voyage. At that time I was much more interested in the scientific special effect wonders of a miniature sub exploring the human body than the body that was lurking beneath Raquel's jump suit and skin diving outfits.

That all changed not very long afterwards when the first movie ads for One Million Years BC were released. There was Ms. Welch looking extremely bold, dynamic, and extraordinarily sexy decked out in the latest designer animal skin duds inviting every red blooded male in the world to be the ultimate caveman to her ultimate cave woman. It was the poster and the film that would launch Raquel into sex symbol superstardom. But for Raquel, it would at times prove to be more of a curse than a blessing. Raquel Welch:

"The Sixties was not the best time to be a sex symbol, at a time of flower-children and the beginnings of the anti-war movement. It was weird - you couldn't cast me in anything. I would have been happy doing the kind of roles that Marilyn Monroe did in comedies like Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend (Gentlemen Prefer Blondes -- eds). My talents lay in singing and dancing. But that era has passed."

And although there were to be more misses than hits in her career, there were times when Raquel did some very good work and probably deserved a lot better material than what she was given to work with. In films such as The Three Musketeers (for which she won a Golden Globe), The Four Musketeers, Kansas City Bomber, Crossed Swords, 100 Rifles and Bandolero she showed herself to be more than just a gorgeous face with a perfect body. In the TV movie Right to Die, she played a woman stricken with Lou Gehrig's disease and was nominated for a Golden Globe.

But a Welch film often overlooked over the years is this goofy but enjoyable little gem called Fathom which also is the name of the lead character. Her full name is Fathom Harvill. Undoubtedly you are sitting on the edge of your seat, biting your nails, and wanting to know why this beautiful young skydiving dental hygienist is called Fathom.

Fathom Original Trailer

Reporter: Señorita, how did you ever get a name like Fathom?
Fathom: A fathom is six feet. Papa was hoping for a tall son. Papa was disappointed.

Peter Merriwether: Fathom, eh? I never met a Fathom. Where did you ever get a kinky name like that?
Fathom: First initials for uncles- Freddy, Arthur, Tom, Harry, Oscar, Milton. They were all rich, and Papa wasn't taking any chances- unlike me.

Fathom: The name's Fathom Harvill.
Mike: Fathom? How'd you get a name like Fathom?
Fathom: It's short for Elizabeth.

Sergi: Please sit down, Miss...?
Fathom: Harvill. Fathom Harvill. Please don't ask me how I got the name Fathom.
Sergi: Let me guess. Your father wanted a very tall son. Or you were named after wealthy relatives. Or as a child, you were very deep.
Fathom: Two out of three, that's not bad.

Why do I think she is called Fathom? It's because it's such a cool name to play the name game with:

Fathom, Fathom, bo bathom, banana fana fo athom, fee fi fo mathom, Fathom!

Fathom unpacks her parachute in the opening of the spy caper Fathom.

That bit was for all you oldies fans out there. Now that we know all the possible origins of her name, who exactly is Fathom?

As I said before she's a dental hygienist and she's a skydiver and a damn good one at that. (Good Skydiver that is, as the movie gives us no indication as to her abilities in the world of orthodontics) We find this out in the opening title sequence as we watch Fathom expertly prepare her parachute for her next jump in a bright red skin tight T-shirt and bathing suit bottoms that practically bursts off of the screen.

Director Leslie Martinson, wardrobe designer Kiki Byrne, wardrobe supervisor Bridget Sellers and Cinematographer Douglas Slocombe make no bones early on about the fact that we are here to watch Miss Welch play in her movie world sandbox. She could be folding a napkin in this opening sequence and you wouldn't have noticed anything different. Photographed against a soft green landscape from just about ground level, you won't be able to take your eyes off of her even if you were really interested in reading the credits or taking a lesson in the proper way to prepare your chute as the red outfit contrasts against anything and everything in the scene.

We quickly find out exactly how good of a skydiver Fathom is when the five male members of her team float down to earth towards a ground target and each and every one of them miss it. Having observed male incompetency for all it's worth, it is Fathom's turn to jump which she promptly does. We watch from afar as stunt double Donna Garret spins twirls and whirls on her way downward until she finally opens her chute and morphs into Raquel Welch.

Of course, unlike her male counterparts, Fathom (dressed in a striking metallic silver jump suit) hits the target dead center to an appreciative and cheering crowd.

In the midst of all of this adulation, some young constantly grinning British fella shows up and informs Fathom that he was assigned to give her a ride into town upon which Fathom replies, "I'll be with you as soon as I change!"

Now, I don't have to tell you that if I had known that all I had to do was drive up to Raquel Welch in a broken down old hummer, and yell at her that her ride was here, and that she would hop aboard no questions asked I would have done that forty years ago. Even if I couldn't drive yet. So Fathom is quite the trusting person, probably a bit more than your average skydiver, but what the hell. Introductions are always a colossal bore anyway.

Down the road a bit, Fathom notices that they missed their turn at the Slauson cut off, at which time friendly British person who picked her up, is now referring to her as "Luv" (we're taking a slight detour, luv) but has not yet told Fathom or us or anybody his real name. He tells her that they are going to meet a Colonel Campbell to which Fathom replies that she knows of no Colonel Campbell (Ronald Fraser). Friendly Grinning British Guy with the name we do not know simply says that she will know him soon. Fathom doesn't say anything, but does have this inquisitive look on her face like she ain't so sure that hopping in a 1968 Hummer with someone just because she likes being called "Luv" with a British accent was such a hotsy totsy idea after all.

When they arrive, it turns out that Campbell is homesteading in a trailer out in the middle of nowhere on ground that looks like it could be turned into the county landfill at any moment. It is only after she follows Campbell and British guy into the trailer that only seems to have one way in and out that she finally puts her foot down:

Fathom: I'm going to be very calm about this whole thing. You take me back to my hotel room in the next ten minutes and I'll forget all about it. If you don't I'm going to holler bloody murder to the American Embassy.

Yeah, that little speech will have the bad guys shaking in their boots. But as it turns out, Campbell and Nameless British Guy are not the bad guys we thought they might be or at least that's what they say.

Campbell: A very normal reaction Miss Harvill. I'll tell you what, if my credentials don't entirely satisfy you I'll holler with you."

Now, there's a trustworthy fellow if there ever was one. Campbell explains to Fathom that he belongs to a super duper top secret organization known as HADES, also known as Headquarters Allied Defenses Espionage and Security, an organization of which Campbell is the head honcho.

I've often wondered if movie studios keep someone on staff just to come up with the names of these super secret organizations so that their abbreviations will spell clever words such as Uncle, Thrush, Zowie and now Hades. If so, can I have that job?

We finally find out that Smiling Young British Guy is not just a pervert out picking up female parachutists but is in fact Flight Lieutenant Timothy Webb (Richard Briers), Royal Air Force, on leave of absence. Aren't you glad we cleared that up. So if these two budding secret agents aren't after a threesome, exactly what do they want with Fathom?

They need her to help them find the "Firedragon." What is the Firedragon? Colonel Campbell:

Sometime ago there was a calamity in the air. One of our hydrogen bombs was lost in the Mediterranean Sea.....the bomb they found but not the fire dragon. The Firedragon is a fail safe device that triggers the hydrogen bomb by electronic signal.

He then tells her that one Peter Merriweather (Anthony Franciosa) and his friend Major Jo-May Soon, Mongolian KGB (Greta Chi) are Red Chinese agents who are after the Firedragon because with it they'd "have the power to turn the world into a black broiled mushroom cloud."

Fathom's mission, if she decides to accept it before this review self destructs in thirty seconds is to parachute into Merriweather's secluded villa with an electronic device and turn it on which in turn will remotely trigger a listening device they had planted earlier.

And of course, not wanting the world world to go kaboom, Fathom agrees to make the jump for the two Hades agents and for the sake of mankind every where.

So Fathom makes the jump. landing perfectly onto the balcony, triggers the listening device and enablies Colonel Campbell and Boy Wonder Timothy to retrieve the Firedragon thus saving the world from a nuclear holocaust. Well not exactly.

She does in fact land on the balcony and triggers the listening device but it's all downhill for her from there. She stumbles across one dead body, is quickly framed for murder by Merriweather and his cohorts, is accused of working for Campbell and Timothy, and is then promptly blackmailed into helping dispose of the body.

Fathom Meets Peter Merriweather

And this is where Fathom's story really begins and my synopsis comes to an end. To tell you anything more would entail having to give away every single plot twist there is. Suffice it to say, not everybody in this film may be who you think they are or who Fathom thinks they are. Later on, we even meet up with a Batman type villain that goes by the name of Sergi Serapkin, who may or may not possess the Firedragon. Just like the villains of comic book days of yore, Serapkin distinguishes himself with the odd fact that he can never seem to be able to get warmed up. He is the polar opposite of Mr. Freeze and is wonderfully played by Clive Revill.

The truth is that the Firedragon may or may not even exist, and if it does it may or may not be capable of doing what it is you think it may do, if it does anything at all. It is what Alfred Hitchcock called MacGuffin. What is a MacGuffin?

Timothy prepares Fathom to meet Serapkin

A MacGuffin (sometimes McGuffin) is a plot device that motivates the characters or advances the story, but the details of which are of little or no importance otherwise. And that is what the Firedragon is. It is simply an object to wrap our plot and characters around as Fathom leads us from one encounter to the next in an effort to get to the end of the game. In Fathom, it is simply an excuse to show off the charms, beauty, and assets of Miss Welch, and the fact that we get a fairly decent and interesting spy spoof in the process is just a whole lot of icing on the cake.

Just as in the opening parachute scene, every outfit worn by Welch in every scene in Fathom is designed so that our attention is always drawn to her. And I don't mean that in a physical or lustful sense at all. There are plenty of actresses out there with first class sculptured bodies dressing as flimsily as possible to lust after, but it is Miss Welch's beauty that grabs our attention first and foremost much in the same way that it was Marilyn Monroe's screen presence that attracted us to her. It doesn't matter if she is outfitted in a green bikini, a red T-shirt, or a green jump suit. She has the same effect regardless.

Raquel not only occupies every scene, her presence is often overpowering. There have been better actresses in films, but none who can light up each and every scene just by being in it. At least not in the way that Raquel Welch does in this film.

And being honest here, her acting abilities were sometimes derided simply because once you are pegged as a sex symbol, you are permanently pasted with that unable to act stigma for all time. In this film she does exactly what one would expect the main character to do. She acts as if she is having a good time and because she does, we do too. To be honest, when I saw the much more publicized One Million Years B.C. it was quickly forgotten by me unlike this film.

When our celluloid type male spies, male secret agents, and male counter spies act in such a manner, their performance is accepted because hey, that's the way the spy game works in the movies and it's all just for fun. When a woman does it in the same kind of role and in the same manner, she is told she can't act.

Raquel's character Fathom does quite well stacked up against her male co-stars. What I really like about the film is that the writers did not fall prey to scripting the obligatory sex scene between the two main leads. They leave them as they are, which for the most part is adversaries, enabling the action to flow seamlessly from one scene to the next. And there is plenty of that.

Raquel's scenes with Tony Franciosa, (who mysteriously has top billing in this film. Must have had a helluva agent), are simply fun to watch. He does of course harbor the usual male sexist attitude but she will have none of it and views him more with disdain than anything else, even up to the final scene. As for the many chase scenes and action sequences, they are done quite well especially when you consider that this film was obviously done on a shoe string budget.

I'm not going to pretend that this film is great cinema. But it is a lot of fun once you allow yourself to get swept away and entertained by the sheer silly goofiness of it all by accepting it for what it is, which is a decent but highly watchable and worthwhile spy spoof.

As far as Miss Welch is concerned, she may never have been able to replace Marilyn Monroe, but like Marilyn she was able accomplish something that is sorely lacking these days in those who are pretenders to the sex symbol throne.

Just because you are saddled with the one dimensional label of being a sex goddess, you can still carry on with a lot of class, a whole lot of dignity, and not lose the ingredients that make you something special. And for that alone I would have no choice but to give Fathom my grade, which is a B+.

I rented Fathom from Netflix but received two broken discs from out of town before the third one was the charm. So if you are a Netflix member, rent it while you still can. You can still buy it as part of a Raquel Welch Sex Goddess boxed set but the single disc there was is no longer available except through outside sellers. So shoop around. It does on rare occasions pop up on televison.

The Moon-spinners (1964)

2008-06-08T07:25:00.001-07:00

Hello, and thank you for visiting. If you are looking for my review of The Moon-spinners, it has been moved to my Clyde's Stuff Blog. The explanation for this is in the right hand margin. If you have made comments, please rest assured that I have read them and in many cases have responded. Unfortunately, it is no possible for me to move the comments to the other site, but please know that I appreciate your input and hope you will visit me at Clyde's Stuff where I look forward to meeting you again. To read the review, simply click on this link.

Silent Hill (2006)

2008-06-06T00:26:00.001-07:00

Silent Hill

Directed by Christophe Gans

Radha Mitchell

Sean Bean

Laurie Holden

Jodelle Ferland

I used to play video games like Silent Hill. There once was a time that I had the time to play those types of video games. I even managed to make it to the end of a handful of them if I had a really good cheat sheet by my side. Usually though, I would get bored by the time I hit level 1,150 and end up putting the game on the shelf to collect dust. On the rare occasions when I did make it to the end, I was usually treated to some CGI cinematic telling me why I had spent a few hundred hours working on that particular quest. Sometimes the explanation was a bit murky, didn’t explain much of anything, and was just setting me up for the inevitable sequel in the hopes that I’d run down to the video game store and part with my hard earned dollars.

Trailer for the movie version of Silent Hill.

It wasn’t much of a reward for having put so much time into that particular form of entertainment, but that pretty much sums up how I feel about the film version of the popular Silent Hill series. It’s one long video game except that you don’t play you only watch, there’s a big video flash back at the end to explain everything, and then there’s an afterthought tacked on just in case the producers get around to making Silent Hill The Movie Part II.

History of the Silent Hill Video Game Series.

The film opens quickly and wastes no time in getting to the point. Sharon, (Jodelle Ferland) the adopted daughter of Rose and Christopher Da Silva, (Radha Mitchell and Sean Bean) has been having nightmares, sleepwalks, and the only thing she has to say about it is “Silent Hill.” Rose, being ever so clever, discovers that Silent Hill is a ghost town in West Virginia. (As often as West Virginia seems to pop up in these movies one would think they should start collecting royalties.) After medications and psychiatry offer no relief and worried that her daughter may take a Tarzan type dive off of a cliff in her sleep, Rose decides to take Sharon to the real Silent Hill just to see if she can find the answers that will help cure her somnambulism.

Hubby Chris doesn’t go along for the ride because the movie needs him to stay behind in order that we can have a few useless cutaway scenes that come later in the film. But we do eventually find out that the reason Silent Hill is a ghost town is because there have been coal fires burning underneath for about thirty years. Just outside of Silent Hill Rose gases up her car and meets police officer Cybil Bennett (Laurie Holden), who is also wearing the funkiest uniform since Ilsa She Wolf of the SS. I thought for a moment she was just moonlighting from her job at the local strip show but no, she is just a cop. Anyway, I digress.

Rose heads up the road with her daughter, is stopped by Officer Bennett because inquiring policewomen want to know why a mother is out hauling her daughter into a ghost town in the middle of the night, especially when the roads leading into the town have been blocked off for ages. Undeterred, Rose hops into her car then rams the gate blocking the road and Officer Bennett gives chase, It is then that a shadowy figure of a young girl darts across the road causing Rose to spin out, wreck, hit her head, and lose consciousness.

When she awakens her daughter is missing and thus begins our long seemingly never ending journey. Of course Rose immediately knows she’s not in Kansas anymore and so do we. The town is covered in a dense smoky fog (Surprise! Just like the video game!) with falling ash that looks more like snow. She eventually hooks back up with Officer Bennett who for some inexplicable reason (meaning this is one of those mysterious things that happen where you supply your own explanation) doesn’t show up until about fifteen or twenty minutes later and promptly handcuffs Rose to haul her back to the county jail.

Of course it goes without saying that these two aren’t headed anywhere out of town for a while. I have to admit that at first I found the film somewhat creepy. Director Christophe Gans does a good job of setting the atmosphere with some great help by cinematographer Dan Laustsen, some good special effects, not to mention some nifty sound effects and editing. Creepy creatures appear and disappear, an air raid siren blasts away making things a bit tenser, Rose walks around with nothing but a cigarette lighter to light her way and for a while each corner she turns fills you with a sense of dread until suddenly you realize that not unlike a video game where you have to sacrifice your life a few gazillion times to find the right clues and the perfect tool to help you with a narrow escape to make it to the end, Rose will somehow manage to find all that stuff and not sacrifice her life once.

Yeah, I know; you can’t have the main character getting killed in a movie because there’s no save button. Once it becomes apparent that we are here only to watch Rose find the light at the end of the video game tunnel, it won’t be long before you’ll be looking at your watch and wanting to yell at her to get on with it. By the time she does, you’ll have sworn you were in the theater longer than it would take you to actually play the game even though the movie runs just a bit over two hours.

It's a shame too because both Mitchell and Holden give it their all and you keep wishing the movie itself was better than it is and that the story actually deserved the good effort the two ladies put into it.

Eventually you’ll sort of find out what’s going on but even then I’m not sure you’ll understand it. Those who have played the game might just get it, but I’m not about to start playing Silent Hill when Eternal Darkness has been sitting on my shelf for two years or more now. Then again, I wouldn’t count on fans of the game to be able to give you an in depth analysis either.

On one message board there were about seven or eight die hard Silent Hill fans dissecting the movie as if they were in film surgery class. And lo and behold, there were also seven or eight different explanations which tells me they are just as clueless as the rest of us. And you know what that means. If I’m not only bored but clueless as well I have no choice but to bestow upon you my grade which for Silent Hill is a C-.

The Trouble With Angels (1966)

2008-05-31T23:38:00.001-07:00

My review of The Trouble With Angels (1966) has been moved to what is the new home for all my reviews. I have updated the review removing videos with dead links and re-editing the text and pictures. I hope you will join me there. Thank you for your patience, but most of all thank you for your patronage.

So Proudly We Hail (1943)

2008-05-26T06:38:00.000-07:00

Directed by Mark Sandrich
Written by Allan Scott
Musical Score by Miklos Rozsa

starring
Claudette Colbert
Paulette Goddard
Veronica Lake
George Reeves
Sonny Tufts
Barbara Britton

I'm not sure how many women have heard the story about Warner Brothers President Jeff Robinov stating that they will be making no more films with women leads because two such films, The Brave One with Jodie Foster and The Invasion with Nicole Kidman had both lost money along with Emma Robert's Nancy Drew, a movie that I wrote about HERE in which I cited the reasons for its failure, none of which had absolutely anything to do with Emma Roberts.

Robinov later said he didn't really mean it. Of course, all the upcoming movies he mentioned also had male leads and the ones that didn't were aimed strictly at thirteen and fourteen year old's. In other words, mature adult female leads need not apply. So in today's climate when sexism and misogyny have become the norm, I'm not buying Robinov's b.s. Frankly, with attitudes such as that and as long as such an attitude has prevailed in Hollywood it's a wonder that a film like So Proudly We Hailed ever got made. It stars not just one mature lead, it boasts three of the best ever in Claudette Colbert, Paulette Goddard, and Veronica Lake.

How often have we forgotten the role that women played in World War II? Sometimes we have to be reminded that everybody played a part and it just wasn't the men in the trenches.

I know it must have been a shock to moviegoers in 1943 to see these woman disembarking from a plane looking anything but glamorous in the opening scene. It is obvious that they had all been to hell and back, a point emphasized even moreso when Lt. Janet "Davey" Davidson (Claudette Colbert) is removed from the aircraft on a stretcher. Later, as the women are on ship which will transport them back to the United States, they tell their story in flashbacks.

So Proudly We Hail is the story of Army Nurses who are sent to the Bataan Peninsula to help with the wounded during the initial days of World War II. The head nurse is the aforementioned Lieutenant Davidson. Also on board are Lt. Joan O'Doul (Paulette Goddard) and Lt. Rosemary Larson (Barbara Britton).

The story actually begins as Joan is trying to keep her two fiancees from meeting up and Rosemary is saying a long goodbye to her parents. After helping Joan take care of her boyfriend problem, Davey assures Rosemary's parents that Rosemary will be returned home safely. The destination of the nurses is suppose to be Pearl Harbor, but when the Japanese attack, they are diverted from that destination and left to wander around in the Pacific accompanied by a small convoy of ships.

It is after two of the ships are destroyed in a submarine attack that Lt. Olivia D'Arcy (Veronica Lake) comes aboard with such a major chip on her shoulder. Also on board is a former collegiate football player that goes by the name of "Kansas" (Sonny Tufts) and develops an instant attraction to Rosemary. Later an injured Lieutenant by the name of John Summers (George Reeves) comes on board as well. He is treated to a sponge bath by Davey, and they prove to have instant chemistry. At any rate, thoughts of romance take a back seat to the tasks at hand once the women reach land in the Philipines.

Eventually, Olivia breaks down and reveals that the boy she was going to get married to was killed during the attack on Pearl Harbor. Shortly after that the nursing corp is ordered to Bataan where Captain "Ma" McGregor (Mary Servoss) is in charge of the medical personnel.

Once on Bataan, the nurses find out how bad the situation really is. There is never enough doctor or nurses. Medical equipment and medicine is in short supply or non existence. Sleep or rest comes only when one is exhausted and can go on no further. Joan is assigned to take care of the children while unbeknownst to Davy and the others, Olivia volunteers to take care of the Japanese wounded to extract her revenge.

Rosemary assists a Fillipino surgeon, Dr. Jose Bardia (Ted Becht), who speaks endlessly of the tragedy and consequences of war while he patches men, women, and children up only to see them killed again. While delivering a breach birth from a woman who will die soon Dr. Bardia lectures as if he is still at the university:

You must forgive me if I talk while I'm operating. I'm so used to lecturing my students. Sometimes I thank my stars for my scientific education. A baby to be born, breach delivery, only three out of five live. Live for what? Don't people die fast enough without destroying each other? Is life too long? No, we mustn't ask that. I wonder how scientific those heaps out on the battlefield feel. Guns, machines, so much rubbish. What was it in my student days? Chemically a man is worth 97 cents. Probably $1.05. What with the shortage of parts and monopoly now, the dead have risen in value. Two for $1.98 on dollar day. This little fellow we're about to introduce to the world tonight, what for him? I don't know. They forgot to teach me about spirit somewhere. Ninety seven cents worth of body but a priceless spirit. May he be born to live in freedom."

It is small details like that which can lift a movie such as this from being run of the mill. Before long, Rosemary is like his second set of hands and they are inseparable.

When not taking care of the medical needs of the children, Joan entertains the children with wondrous tails about the heroic deeds of Superman until one of the children asks if Superman is so good, why isn't he here helping them. Joan's reply, "He just landed with the

marines, his name is Kansas." (Funny when you consider that George Reeves who plays John Summers would go on to play Superman on TV.)

As the Japanese close in, the nurses are forced to evacuate the wounded in the hospitals from one base to the next. And evacuation is not always easy, as some will sacrifice, some will die, and a few will live on with lives that will forever be altered.

At one stopping point there is no hospital. It is nothing more than jungle where the patients are kept hidden as much as possible even though there are between five and eight thousand patients. Malaria and dysentery became common among the patients and those attending them.

When the bombing attacks do come, director Mark Sandrich and his special effects crew do an outstanding job of making them as realistic as any I've seen in films from that era. They are strikingly intense which is why the film was nominated for an Academy Award for it's special effects.

Writer Allan Scott's Oscar nominated script is also much better than what one usually finds in some of the by the numbers war films of the forties. The romance between Davy and John is undoubtedly thrown in to appease the audiences of the time and at times threatens to derail the film. But Scott manages to balance things out by having the type of non-romantic romance between Kansas and Joan become more of a battle of wits with Goddard always having the upper hand over the lovestruck and hapless Kansas in a role Tufts was probably born to play. (Although judging from the men running today's studios and what they DECIDE women want to see, they would probably make it ALL about the romance and the war and sacrifice would be an afterthought).

What I found most amazing is that Scott was not only able to insert Dr. Bardia's clearly anti war speech into film, but also has Davey lamenting about our own failures as a country:

"Why isn't there any quinine? Why isn't there any food? Why isn't there any supplies? Why are we waiting here like rats in a cage waiting for the man to come and pour scalding water over us?

Why was nothing done? Why? I'll tell you why, it's our own fault. Because we believed WE WERE the world. That the United States was the whole wide world.

Those outlandish places, Bataan, Corregidor, and Mindanao. They're not American Names. They're just American graveyards."

Which is another reason why Scott's screenplay was nominated for an Oscar. You can also stir in Miklos Roza's memorable score and Charles Lang's topnotch black and white cinematography which will make it seem as if the bombs are exploding in your face as they fall.

But let's be real here. This is Colbert, Goddard's, and Lake's film and they are magnificent in it. To be able to see these three greats working together would be enough to make this film worth renting or purchasing, but they put everything they have into these roles and it shows in every single scene. They didn't just show up to get screen time and a paycheck.

They go from being just being nurses to becoming every bit as tough and gritty as any man ever thought of being during war. And in two unforgettable scenes that by themselves make this film unforgettable, Veronica Lake almost steals the film out from under her costars . Those two scenes alone make this film memorable although it was Paulette Goddard who received a best actress in a supporting role nomination.

It doesn't matter if you are a man or a woman. It is the kind of film that every person regardless of sex should see and is certainly the kind of film that they should be making featuring talented women but seldom do these days. It's amazing that a film of this quality seldom gets any notice. No, it may not have John Wayne battling it out on the front lines, but it has so much more to offer in so many ways and you know when a film has that I have no choice but to give it my grade which would be an A.

So Proudly We Hail is available on DVD rental from Netflix or to purchase from Universal Home Video. It also appears from time to time on Turner Classic Movies so check the listings on their web site.

Night of the Comet (1984)

2008-05-25T03:35:00.000-07:00

(Just the usual caveats. The screen captures are mine, along with some of the captions. Other captions are taken from the film. In order to read some captions, it may be necessary to click on the picture to enlarge it. None of the videos belong to me and to leave comments on any youtube video simply double click to be taken to the account of the person who did upload it. Also, if any video clip no longer is functional, leave a message in the comments section so I can remove it. (Update: To emphasize what I said, two of the video clips have been removed because they are no longer functional. I'll see if they can be replaced as time permits )

Written and Directed by Thom Eberhardt

starring
Catharine Mary Stewart
Kelli Maroney
Sharon Farrell
Mary Waronov
Geoffrey Lewis
Michael Bowen

If you've ever seen any film such as The Day After, The Stand, Armageddon, Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow, or one of their hundreds of counterparts, the end of the world would seem to be pretty serious business for us to have to deal with it sometime down the road. Film directors and writers one and all want us to believe it's all doom and gloom what with asteroids zooming around haphazardly in space, aliens needing to ravage us and the planet, global warming screwing up the weather or some deadly virus escaping some government lab infecting mankind with a super flu. But writer and director Thom Eberhardt is one person who doesn't find the end of mankind as we know it to be a totally dreary prospect, and in fact finds a bit of humor in the situation by way of telling the story of two of the possible survivors, teenagers Reggie Belmont (Catherine Mary Stewart) and her sister Sam (Kelli Maroney).

Somewhere out there in the final frontier where no man has gone before is a comet zipping around with nothing better to do but to pay all of us here on earth a quick friendly visit. No, it doesn't exactly have earth's name on it, but it does want to take a cue from Tom Cruise in Top Gun and do a major fly by just so it can get up close and personal with us. Of course since the inhabitants of earth think ever situation is just another reason to party, we decide to have one big planet wide comet festival just to welcome it into our solar system and to greet it with one huge worldwide "Howdy". There are comet tee shirts, comet hats, people have comet barbecues, and everything is just one big gigantic comet celebration.

One of these comet parties in Suburbia, USA is being hosted by Doris Belmont (Sharon Farrell), wicked step monster to Reggie and Sam. Reggie and Sam's father is off doing army duty, and it's left up to Doris to keep the two girls safe and out of trouble. In the case of Doris, that means being a first class bitch to the girls while screwing the next door neighbor on the side.

On the night of the big comet party, Reggie is pulling her shift at a local movie theater which means spending most of her time playing the video game Tempest so that her initials can occupy all of the top ten scores. When her boyfriend Larry (Michael Bowen), who works at the theater as a projectionist, asks her to spend the night in the projection booth with him, it is left up to Sam to help Doris serve chips and dips at her party.

During an argument, Doris hits Sam with a right hook. Furious, Sam leaves Doris to serve her own chips and dip when she isn't resting her hand on Chuck's ass. Eventually the comet does pass overhead, and being the grateful kind of comet that knows how to treat its host, it leaves us all a nice comet welcoming gift of its own by turning the vast majority of the human population into orange pixie dust.

Of course, if you happen to be one of the very lucky few, like Reggie and Sam, you may have survived. It turns out if you were in a dwelling of some sort completely encased by steel, then you also got to wake up the next morning by the the dawn's early light in as good of a shape as you always were, minus a few friends, relatives and acquaintances of course. Reggie, having spent the night in the theater projection room which just happens to be steel lined, does survive. Boyfriend Larry survives as well of course, but it turns out to be only a temporary reprieve for that putz.

Sam, who found herself somehow spending the night in a steel shed survives as well. Yeah, I know. What are the odds?

However, if you were only partially protected by a steel enclosure, then you only get to survive temporarily as you turn into a cannibalistic zombie. How fast this switcheroo happens depends on how much leakage of comet entrails that your enclosure allowed.

Then there are those scientists led by Audrey (Mary Waronov) and Carter (Geoffrey Lewis) who were scientifically aware of the probably danger but instead of warning us to momentarily hop into our Kenmore refrigerators, they built themselves a huge enclosure of their own out in the desert to protect only themselves. So not only are they extremely selfish scientists, they are also straight out of the Fred MacMurray School of Absent Minded Professors because although I'm sure they wear their seat belts and lock their car doors, they somehow forget to close the vents on their Comet Proof Bomb Shelter. Thus, unless they find a cure they will soon be walking around looking for their next meal. The problem is, the only way they might be able to develop a cure is to round up some of the few remaining humans and pump their blood out of them.

If it all sounds kind of goofy and wacky it certainly is all of that. Early in the film, you may have a bit of trouble buying into the proceedings but you'll eventually be seduced by the perkiness and charm of Stuart and Mulroney, the snappy dialog that inhabits Eberhardt's script, and the over all absurdness of it all.

For instance, when Reggie returns with an arsenal to fight off zombies, Reggie complains that, `Dad would have gotten us Uzis'. And what are two teenage girls to do when faced with the apocalypse?

Samantha plays D.J. on the only radio station:

"This is Samantha Belmont, one third owner of the Greater Los Angeles Basin. Most of you guys had finals this week. Later. They're History. They're cancelled.

The drinking age is now 10, but you will need ID. Let's be real.

I'll be taking requests from all you teenage comet zombies on the hotline."

They also meet up with and vie for the affections of truckdriver Hector (Robert Beltran) who may or may not be the only eligible bachelor in town.

They gather up some machine guns and practice their craft on the nearest parked cars, lamenting the fact that they don't have uzi's.

They later lift their spirits by going shopping at the mall to the music of Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Well, isn't that what everybody would do considering the situation? It is at the mall where the gals also meet up with the new owners, who are just about on the edge of zombieism.

The special effects and zombie makeup aren't much to speak of but they they were never meant to be. The film is obviously meant to be paying homage to similar fables that once inhabited the drive-ins and theaters in the fifties and early sixties. And besides, it's the sharp script by Eberhardt and the wonderfully winning and energetic performances by Mary Catherine Stewart and Kelli Maroney that carry the day here.

It's obvious that Eberhardt was working from a somewhat miniscule budget, and although there are a few scary moments when Zombies pop out of nowhere, it's the whole premise of two Valley Girls trying to survive in a desolate Los Angels while being chase around by monsters and evil scientists that will win you over. It's obvious from the narration in the opening moments that this is a B movie, but Eberhardt keeps things on track by never taking himself seriously or asking us to either.

Night of the Comet is currently available on DVD from MGM after having been out of print for ages so snatch it up while you can for less than 10 bucks. It has also popped up in a glorious HD version on MGM-HD so check the listings there as well.

It takes an offbeat sense of humor to make a film like Night of the Comet and have it succeed as well as it does. It takes a quirky sense of humor for someone watching it to appreciate the film for what it is: a cheesy plot-hole ridden B movie, with a lot of odd humor and with two lead actresses that are good enough to take us along for the ride. I bought into all of it, hook, line, sinker, cheap special effects and everything else that went with it. And if I can buy into all this I have no choice but to give you my grade which for Night of the Comet is a B. Now excuse me for a second while I go check out the vents on my comet shelter.

Cool Hand Luke (1967)

2008-05-19T18:24:00.000-07:00

(Notes: None of the videos included in this review/retrospective belong to me. Visit the respective sites to leave comments to those who uploaded the videos. If at any time any video quits working as they are apt to do, please let me know by leaving a message in the comments for that video and I will remove it.)

Directed by Stuart Rosenberg
Screenplay by Donn Pierce and Frank Pierson
starring
Paul Newman
George Kennedy
Strother Martin
Morgan Woodward
Jo Van Fleet

Having had the advantage of reading Donn Pearce's novel about a year before seeing Cool Hand Luke, it was with great anticipation that I awaited it's transfer to the big screen. It was one of those books that could make you laugh out loud through one chapter, and make you feel depressed several chapters later. It would be a difficult task to bring such a novel to the screen intact but I was not disappointed.

Cool Hand Luke could easily have been just another prison yarn. You know the drill. A mean despicable warden and his guards spend most of their screen time beating down and torturing the inmates whenever the opportunity arises until the inmates riot and justice prevails. But Cool Hand Luke somehow manages to go beyond the type of generic prison flick that we have become accustomed to. This is due in no small part to a smart screenplay by Donn Pearce (who also penned the novel) and Frank Pierson, excellent direction by Stuart Rosenberg, and two unforgettable performances by Paul Newman as Luke Jackson and George Kennedy as Dragline.

Luke's story is the study of one man who refuses to conform to many of the rules and sometimes unnecessary regulations forced upon him by society. In prison or out, there are always rules and regulations which Luke seems to be butting heads with. It's not that he's a bad person. He simply wants to be able to be free and to live life in his own way without being boxed in. He views many of these rules as being instituted with no real purpose in mind and sometimes it seems that the only reason many of them exist is simply because somebody with a lot of free time on their hands decided it was a good idea to make another regulation.

When you were growing up, how often after questioning your parents as to why you couldn't do something, the answer was simply,"Because I said so." How often have you bumped heads with any law, rule, and regulation and said aloud, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of." But you obey the rule anyway.

And that's how Luke pretty much sees what he is up against except he can never reconcile the notion of being cornered so that he can become the type of person society wants him to be instead of just being free to be himself.

When Lucas Jackson is arrested for cutting heads off parking meters, his explanation to the prison captain (Strother Martin) is "Small Town, not much to do in the evening", which would have us believe he was just being drunk and stupid. Later, to one of the other inmates he mutters the same answer, but importantly adds "just settlin some old scores". It is a brief but important point in helping to define the character of Luke beyond just being drunk and damaging public property. He doesn't break the rules just because he can, he does so only when there is a reason to. We never find out what the old scores he was wanting to settle were but it doesn't matter. It only matters that we know Luke wasn't out braking the law just because he could. There is always a reason or a purpose, even if its such a simple thing like correcting injustices.

As a service man, we also discover that Luke won a bronze star, silver star, two purple hearts, achieved the rank of sergeant but still came out as a buck private. Again, early evidence that Luke is willing to follow the regulations up until those regulations are deemed useless. You don't become a sergeant and win a bronze star if you don't at least try to fit in and obey the rules in some manner.

When Luke and several other inmates are settling in on their first day, Carr the Floorwalker, runs off a littany of rules as if he is reciting the Catholic Mass in Latin:

Carr: Them clothes got laundry numbers on them. You remember your number and always wear the ones that has your number. Any man forgets his number spends a night in the box. These here spoons you keep with you. Any man loses his spoon spends a night in the box. There's no playing grab-ass or fighting in the building. You got a grudge against another man, you fight him Saturday afternoon. Any man playing grab-ass or fighting in the building spends a night in the box. First bell's at five minutes of eight when you will get in your bunk. Last bell is at eight. Any man not in his bunk at eight spends the night in the box. There is no smoking in the prone position in bed. To smoke you must have both legs over the side of your bunk. Any man caught smoking in the prone position in bed... spends a night in the box. You get two sheets. Every Saturday, you put the clean sheet on the top... the top sheet on the bottom... and the bottom sheet you turn in to the laundry boy. Any man turns in the wrong sheet spends a night in the box. No one'll sit in the bunks with dirty pants on. Any man with dirty pants on sitting on the bunks spends a night in the box. Any man don't bring back his empty pop bottle spends a night in the box. Any man loud talking spends a night in the box. You got questions, you come to me. I'm Carr, the floor walker. I'm responsible for order in here. Any man don't keep order spends a night in...

Luke: ...the box.

Carr: I hope you ain't going to be a hard case.

And the box looms large in this film. It is not just a tool of punishment, it is an instrument for breaking ones spirit. For The Captain, punishment alone doesn't bring satisfaction, but breaking down the will does. This is never more evident then in his treatment of Luke.

It is clear from the beginning that Luke's main desire is to serve his two years and then get the hell out. And while he may bend and work around the rules, he never shows any intention of doing anything that will get him more time. During a visit from his mother Arletta (Jo Van Fleet), Luke tells her:

Luke: "I tried to live always free and above board like you but I can't seem to find no elbow room".

Arletta: Why, we always thought you was strong enough to carry it. Was we wrong?

Luke: I don't know. Well, things are just never the way they seem, Arletta, you know that. A man's just gotta go his own way.

When push comes to shove and Luke is boxed into a corner, he has no choice but to push back. At one point after the death of Arletta, Luke is put into the box for several days, not because he has done anything wrong, but so that he won't think about escaping to attend the funeral, something that we already know Luke had never intended to do.

It is ironic that it is the injustice of the punishment that causes Luke to finally formulate an escape plan. As he tells one guard when he is going into the box, "calling it your job don't make it right, Boss."

Of course there are the other inmates. Some of them wear chains, some of them do not. It is a something that director Stuart Rosenberg, emphasizes early and throughout the film. We understand quickly that sooner or later you conform. You either walk the line the way the bosses tell you to, or they will find the means to get you to walk the line. As the Captain reiterates, "for your own good, you'll learn the rules"

What we discover about their crimes is minuscule. One is jailed for manslaughter after hitting a pedestrian with his car, another is a paper hanger, another new inmate is charged with breaking, entering and assault. The nature of their crimes is unimportant to us. It enables us to view these prisoners as men, and while we don't feel any genuine sympathy for them, feeling disgusted by their crimes would have been a distraction from the true purpose of Pearce's story, and Luke as the focal point.

Because of his individuality, it doesn't take Luke long before he unexpectedly becomes a hero to the other inmates. It is not a role he chooses, or even wants and goes a long way in explaining his demotion from Sergeant to private. But the other men see in Luke the spirit that they have had driven out of them over days of endless road work and nights of never ending drudgery in the steaming Southern heat. It unexpectedly imposes the burden on Luke of having to live up to the expectations of others. He never truly understands the nature of this hero worship, and would be just as happy if he didn't have to deal with it. He is still trying to find his way in the world, and if there is any real purpose for his existence or any way that he can find to fit into or be the way society craves him to be.

Another principal character is Dragline(George Kennedy). It is he who finally establishes the fact that

Cool Hand Luke is a man who can not be beaten. Dragline's admiration for Luke seems to extend from the fact that he (Dragline) has learned the rules on how to get by, but yet regrets having lost some of his own individuality in the process. When he beats Luke to a bloody pulp in a boxing match and Luke refuses to fold, its almost as if

Dragline has adopted Luke as a son more than anything else. He is the rest of the inmates in microcosm. I can't remember a role that George Kennedy has ever been better in, and he deservedly won the best supporting actor award for his work here.

Cool Hand Luke is not without it's humorous moments especially in the early going. It is these moments that help move the film from the early stages to the darker later stages where after a while just like Luke, we can foresee the inevitable climax. And they are hilarious whether it's the road encounter with Lucille or Luke boasting and then trying to eat fifty eggs in an hour.

In translating his novel to the screen Donn Pearce along with Frank Pierson, has managed to bring the heart and soul of his novel to the big screen. Lalo Shifrin's memorable score emphasizes often the repeated drudgery of working on the chain gang, the playfulness of the egg eating frenzy, and is used to especially great effect during the escape sequences. Director Stuart Rosenberg made more good films after Cool Hand Luke, but in my opinion never achieved the same degree of perfection that he does here.

As Cool Hand Luke, Paul Newman gives one of the most memorable performances in a long and distinguished career. It is not an easy task portraying a man who travels the road from being a sincere individualist, to a man who may be beaten and defeated, yet in the end is still unwilling to accept that fate.

Although Rod Steiger won the best actor award that year, one could argue that Newman's role was in many ways more difficult, as it required substantially different subtle ranges in character but it is the flashy performances like the one Steiger gave in In The Heat of the Night that usually are rewarded. I certainly do not mean to take anything away from Steiger's performance as Gillespie, as that film is also another of my favorites.

As for the failure of Cool Hand Luke to achieve at least a Best Picture Nomination, I'm at a loss to explain that extraordinary malfunction, especially when the likes of the totally crappy Doctor Doolittle and Guess Who's Coming To Dinner, far lesser efforts than this were nominated.

Toward the end of the film Luke is in a church and just as he did earlier during a rainstorm, he stops to talk to the man upstairs:

Anybody here? Hey, Old Man. You home tonight? Can You spare a minute. It's about time we had a little talk. I know I'm a pretty evil fellow... killed people in the war and got drunk... and chewed up municipal property and the like. I know I got no call to ask for much... but even so, You've got to admit You ain't dealt me no cards in a long time. It's beginning to look like You got things fixed so I can't never win out. Inside, outside, all of them... rules and regulations and bosses. You made me like I am. Now just where am I supposed to fit in? Old Man, I gotta tell You. I started out pretty strong and fast. But it's beginning to get to me. When does it end? What do You got in mind for me? What do I do now? Right. All right.

And moments later, when the guards and the captain show up, we instinctively know what they will never understand. It is the same thing that Dragline came to understand about Luke.

You can beat a man down until he finally capitulates, but you can never take away his soul.

Cool Hand Luke is a remarkable film, and it is one of my all time favorites. And when it comes to giving out grades to my favorites I have no choice but to give a really cool A+.

Cool Hand Luke is available from Warner Home Video on DVD and is also available through the Watch Now feature of Netflix. Please note that the version on Netflix is pan and scanned, and not wide screen.

The Birds (1963)

2008-05-05T19:08:00.000-07:00

Directed by Alfred Hitchcock
starring
Tippi Hedren
Rod Taylor
Jessica Tandy
Suzanne Pleshette
Veronica Cartwright

As I wrote in this review of The Hills Have Eyes, radiation from nuclear weapons being tested out in the deserts over the ocean and from sea to shining sea has often been the blame for nature running amok in films ever since the development of the first atomic bombs. If it isn't cannibalistic mutants in the desert (The Hills Have Eyes I & II), then it's giant locusts (The Beginning of the End), Giant Ants (Them), Giant Dinosaurs (Godzilla), Giant Humans (The Amazing Colossal Man) or awakening Giant Dinosaurs in the Arctic with radioactive blood (The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms). These so called B movies ran the gamut from being the worst ever to inhabit celluloid to sometimes being somewhat entertaining.

However, there is one "critters that run amok movie" that makes the A list, and that would be Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds. And there isn't one single rad of radiation to be found anywhere in the script. In fact, if you only like your creatures features to come with some goofy explanation of how things came to be the way they were, then you are really out of luck in this film. Just like it was in Daphne Du Maurier' s novelette on which the film is based, there is no real explanation or pat answers to the events that take place in Bodega Bay, so you're pretty much left to fend for yourself.

And as in most of his films, Hitch does it like nobody else would conceive of doing. In some ways, the first half hour or so reminds me of Psycho whereas if one didn't know what the film was about, it could just as easily be a romantic drama or comedy unfolding where we have our two main characters meet, have total disdain for each other, seem totally incompatible, but later are going to fall in love. Except of course we know that's not what the movie is about and the meeting of Melanie and Mitch in the Pet Shop is part of an extensive exercise known as getting to know the players. Plus, it enables Hitch to start playing his little games with us right away by introducing the love birds into the mix which may have something to do with the events that follow, but then very well may be nothing more than a red herring.

Melanie Daniels (Tippi Hedren), the daughter of a newspaper magnate is in a San Francisco Pet Shop purchasing Myna Birds when she is recognized by attorney Mitch Brenner (Rod Taylor) who sees her as nothing more than a spoiled rich heiress, used to getting her way and has a penchant for playing elaborate practical jokes on others. Think of her as the Paris Hilton of 1962.

Wanting to give Melanie a taste of her own medicine, Mitch pretends that he has mistaken her for a sales lady and confronts her to inquire about purchasing some love birds. Melanie, not knowing that Mitch is on to her, plays the part of the sales lady just as Mitch expected she would. Mitch of course, asks her one bird question after, each and every one of which Melanie gets wrong including not knowing a canary from a lovebird. After she has done enough to totally embarrass herself, Mitch reveals that he does in fact know who she is. When she confronts him about it, he tells her that he wanted to her to see how it felt to be on the other end of a practical joke. She in turn let's him know that he is nothing more than a louse.

But if Mitch was trying to cure Melanie, it doesn't work. Using his license plate number to track down his identity, Melanie purchases a couple of lovebirds to take to Mitch's apartment. When she finds out from a neighbor (Richard Deacon) that Mitch has gone home to Bodega Bay for the weekend, she decides to drive up the coast and deliver them herself.

Upon arriving in Bodega Bay, Melanie discovers that Mitch is staying with his Mother and his younger sister, but unable to find out the name of Mitch's sister, Melanie is directed to the home of the schoolteacher Annie Hayworth (Suzanne Pleshette).

After revealing that the name of Mitch's sister is Cathy (Veronica Cartwright), Annie becomes very inquisitive in regards to Melanie's connection to Mitch and the Brenner Family. When she tells us that as far as Mitch is concerned, she is a closed book, we instantly know that they were involved with each other at one time and that the chances of them becoming involved once again are slim to none.

Before heading across the bay to deliver the lovebirds, Melanie replaces her original note with one addressed to Cathy, which leads us to believe she may not entirely be a cold and aloof person prone to practical jokes. After leaving the birds, Melanie takes her boat off of the shore a ways so that she can see Mitch's reaction when he discovers her gift. Unable to start the boat's motor quickly enough, she is spotted by Mitch who races in his truck to the other side of the Bay to greet her. As Melanie approaches the dock, and when we least expect it, we get our first sign of trouble as she is unexpectedly attacked by a gull. Hitchcock had almost managed to make us forget what we came here for in the first place, having lulled us into a false sense of security.

As Mitch is tending to Melanie's wound inside the diner, his mother Lydia (Jessica Tandy) happens by. Mitch tries to explain to her whom Melanie is, what her purpose for being in Bodega Bay is, and what had happened to her. Without saying hardly anything, the look on Lydia's face tells us that not only is she greatly suspicious of Melanie, but that she is also none too pleased that Mitch has a new friend. The mark of a great actress is being able to tell the audience so much with her eyes and facial expressions, and Jessica Tandy does just that in this particular scene where she has little to say.

Much to the obvious chagrin of Lydia, Mitch invites Melanie to dinner. Melanie, having boxed herself in by telling Mitch that she was staying with Annie Hayworth, tells Mitch she will try and make it unless Annie has other plans. Shortly thereafter as Melanie asks Annie if she can stay at her home, we see a swarming flock of seagulls overhead, again warning us of what is to come. It is similar to a scene we had scene at the beginning of the film where before entering the Pet Shop, Melanie had looked up to see a huge flock of birds gathering.

It is simply another example of Hitchcock's brilliance that he is able to take something we see every day and take for granted, then use it to heighten not only the tension, but to raise our expectations as well. Hitchcock knew that anticipation is often just as important as the actual even itself. And as the movie begins to move along more quickly, these foreshadowing events become more and more frequent until we get to the main event.

When Melanie arrives at the Brenner farmhouse, we quickly find out that there is a chicken problem as Lydia's chickens won't eat their feed. Later, when Melanie leaves we see crows (blackbirds?) gathering on the telephone wires. At Annie's, after a revealing conversation between her and Melanie, a bird inexplicably crashes into the house killing itself. When the first real attack comes, Hitchcock makes it even more horrific by having it occur during the innocence of a children's birthday party, and then later, surprises us again when an innocent conversation is immediately and unexpectedly interrupted as the birds come flying down the chimney in full attack mode. From that point on we know that it is no longer a matter of defeating the birds, but just trying to survive the onslaught.

In horror film after horror film we are seldom given anything but cookie cardboard cut out characters who are put into a horrific situation, probably similar to what we have here. Sometimes we may get to know them on some level and may even care about their predicament. Hitchcock takes it a step further. He breathes life into his characters, not just by letting us getting us to know them on some superficial level, but by letting us in on their flaws and all of the little idiosyncrasies that make them tick, thus bring a level and texture to the film we probably wouldn't have otherwise.

For instance, in less capable hands we would be given the character of Melanie. Somewhere along the way, probably in the early going, we would in all likelihood be told that she is a poor totally misunderstood rich girl, probably in a three or four minute scene where she pours her heart out to one of the other characters. What Hitch does is to reveal Melanie's traits, flaws included, layer by layer throughout the film, thus making her a far more interesting and complex character that she would be otherwise.

With Mitch, Lydia, and Annie it is no different. They are revealed to us in much the same way. When Melanie first meets Annie, we suspect that there is or had been something between her and Mitch at one time, and Hitchcock gives us time to dwell on it for a while until Melanie returns and it is then that we learn of Annie's past in regards to Mitch. And even though she does her best to convince Melanie that the relationship is over and ancient History, we can see through it.

But we also sense something that I'm not sure Melanie does. We sense that even though she says it doesn't, the very fact that Melanie is staying with her and talking to her about her own supposedly non-relationship with Mitch, is painful. Annie is the most sympathetic character in the movie. She hopes for something she can never have, and one suspects that Bodega Bay is what she has settled for not what she really desires which makes what happens later even more tragic.

As for Mitch, we might understand his ditching of Annie at one time due to the death of his father although we can't really forgive him for it. But we also see something that Annie doesn't. We can tell that Mitch is at the end of his rope as far as his mother is concerned. It's not that he isn't understanding, but when we see Lydia doing her best to drag Melanie down much in the same way that she did Annie, we can tell from Mitch's reaction that he has reached the end of his rope even if he never states it aloud, thus making Melanie even a much bigger threat to Lydia.

In the film, Lydia has become way too dependent on Mitch much in the way that she was totally dependent on her husband when he was alive. The funny thing is, as the movie progresses there is no doubt that she knows it too, and we suspect that she is just too afraid to function on her own, and just as Annie says, not afraid of being alone at all. And as Annie also says, "one is not the same as the other".

And no, all of this is not thrown into the story just to be there. As we witness each attack, it is how these characters cope with this enormous threat, what happens to them during before and after, that will finally resolve some of these issues one way or the other, mostly because they are pretty much forced to deal with them. It is not that these conflicts are solved and wrapped up in a neat tightly wrapped bow because they are not or that everything is cut and dry. But we can surmise how it could all end, that is if there is an ending other than the total devastation of mankind. We never really know for sure.

Just like in many of his other films, Hitchcock never lets us become too sure of the events unfolding in front of us. We are left to fend for ourselves, to put the jigsaw puzzle together on our own so to speak.

Do the Love Birds really have a part in all of this, and if so what? It is left totally to our imagination to decide although he brings up those two damn bird often enough, along with the fact that they aren't very lovable. And why are the birds that we have always lived in harmony with for the most part suddenly turning on us? Is there a reason?

At one point, a lady in a restaurant accuses Melanie of being the cause of it all as if she were the devil herself out to destroy mankind. What makes it even worse is that as Mitch and Melanie walk slowly into the restaurant, the looks on the others hiding in a corridor tell us that they too have been talked into believing in Melanie's culpability. The scene is reminiscent of a Twilight Zone episode called The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street. It's as if they view Melanie as Linda Blair and she has just finished doing the spider walk that was excised from the original cut of The Exorcist.

To be perfectly honest, when viewing the film you do feel as if somehow something Melanie has done or is doing is responsible even if such a possibility makes no sense at all. It's because you almost feel the need for some kind of explanation, the kind we have been trained to expect but it never really manifests itself. The most logical explanation for all of this then, is that it means nothing more than the fact that Hitch is once again toying around with our psyche in the brilliant manner that he did time and time again.

Tippi Hedren, who was making her film debut in The Birds, is cast perfectly as Melanie, the sophisticated daughter of the publishing magnet. Sometime I'm not sure her performance here is given the credit that it deserves. You can see a bit of the character's newspaperman father in her, because she has this look like she is analyzing what Annie, Mitch and Lydia are telling her against what she can actually surmise from their behavior. Whereas Mitch often questions motives, Melanie finds out what she can and compares it to what she knows and what she can see on her own. In one remarkable scene, we see Lydia trying to clean up the house after one of the Bird attacks. Normally, the camera would focus solely on Lydia but in this case it cuts quickly between Lydia and Melanie, and we can see Melanie trying to size up the situation.

As for the bird attacks themselves, even in 1963 terms, they are impressive and frightening. Making matters worse is the fact that two of the most violent attacks come against children, at the aforementioned birthday party, and later at the Bodega Bay school.

It is at the school where once again Hitch weaves his magic wand. As Melanie sits out by the playground, we see what she cannot as her back is turned. We watch in horror as one bird becomes two, two becomes four, four become eight and so forth and so on while the children sing a playful song inside. It is not until Melanie stands and turns that she sees what we have seen all along. The attack on the school children that follows is still one of the most horrific sequences ever to be put on film, emphasized by the fact that it once again is an attack on those that are least capable of defending themselves.

But there is more. In a scene played to perfection by Jessica Tandy, Lydia goes to a farm house and discovers the mutilated body of Mr. Fawcett, it would be at this point that most directors would have her simply scream and the guy outside would come running into the house. But Hitchcock plays the scene for every cent it is worth making Lydia so horrified that she can't scream but can only run in total terror.

In another scene we watch as a puddle of gas flows to where a man is lighting a cigarette while standing next to his car. The patrons in the restaurant yell at him from the window, but of course since they are yelling different things simultaneously he's not sure what exactly it is they are hollering about. After he drops the match, we see the different looks of horror and helplessness on Melanie's face in cut stills.

As the birds descend on the town, Melanie becomes trapped in a phone booth, and it from here that just like Melanie, we have a front row seat to the devastation. By the time Tippi Hedren had spent a week filming a later sequence that takes place at the Brenner home, she had to be hospitalized for exhaustion.

I have to admit that the first time I saw the film, I was a little put out by the ending. But I was about fifteen at the time and watching it on NBC where it became (at that time) the most watched theatrical film on television ever until it was taken over some years later by Love Story. I was used to seeing films wrapped up with that pretty bow at the end of the story, and it wasn't until later that I began to appreciate the fact that sometimes its best to write your own ending and decide for yourself.

As I matured, I realized that any other ending would have ruined the film although Hitchcock at one time had the idea to have Mitch, Melanie, Lydia, and Cathy drive into San Francisco with the Golden Gate Bridge covered with birds.

The Birds was once voted the Seventh Scariest Movie of all time in a poll conducted in Britain in 2006. I won't disagree with that assessment. In the over forty years of its existence, the film is just as superb in 2008 as it was in 1963 or even 1968 when I saw it for the first time. And when you combine all the ingredients put into this film, you can bet that I have no choice but to give it my grade which is an A.

The Birds is available to buy on DVD, or to rent from Netflix. It is also currently showing on Netflix's Watch Now option.

Nancy Drew (2007)

2008-04-27T05:45:00.000-07:00

Hi, and thank you for visiting. If you read the text in the right hand margin, it explains that I am moving all my writing into one central blog. You'll also find the reasons for that move as well. So Nancy Drew isn't lost, she's just in her new location on my blog Clyde's Stuff. I want to thank you for visiting my blog, and hope you will join me at Clyde's Stuff.

Titanic (1953)

2008-04-22T00:44:00.000-07:00

If you are looking for my review of the 1953 version of Titanic, you can now access it at my Clyde's Stuff Blog. For further information, read my post in the right hand corner of this blog. Thank you for visiting, and I appreciate your support. I look forward to seeing you at Clyde's Stuff. Click here to go directly to the review of Titanic (1953).

A Night to Remember (1958)

2008-04-20T00:55:00.000-07:00

If you're looking for my review of A Night to Remember (1958), it now resides peacefully at my main blog that will eventually become my only blog for the reasons mentioned in the lengthy post at the top of the page. You can read that review by the links here or using the links in the upper right hand corner of the page. I want to thank each of you who has visited and all those who commented whether it was favorably or unfavorably. Unfortunately, I can't move the comments over to my Clyde's Stuff page, but I have read them even if I was unable to respond. Thanks again and I hope to see you at my Clyde's Stuff blog.

Titanic (1997)

2008-04-09T23:41:00.001-07:00

Hi there! If you're looking for my Titanic (1997) review, well it has moved. It is now resting comfortably in what will soon be my one and only blog for the reasons stated at the top of the blog. You can find most of my other reviews there as well. I'm sorry I can't move the comments over to Clyde's Stuff, but feel free to stop in and offer up your opinions any time. If you want to go directly to the Titanic Review simply click the link I have provided. It has been updated and features an exciting new interview with James Cameron regarding the upcoming re-release of Titanic in 3D in April of next year. Thanks again for your patronage.

Ride the Wild Surf (1964)

2008-04-07T20:25:00.000-07:00

(Note: If you need to enlarge the pictures simply click on them)

Starring
Fabian as Jody Wallis
Shelley Fabares as BrieMatthews
Peter Brown as Chase Colton
Barbara Eden as Augie Poole
Tab Hunter as Steamer Lane
Susan Hart as Lily Kilua
James Mitchum as Eskimo
John Anthony Hayes as Frank Decker
Roger Davis as Charlie
Catherine McLeod as Mrs. Kilua

The Gospel According to Clyde

In the beginning God made the heavens and the earth. But the earth wasn’t much of a place because there wasn’t any water. So then God made the oceans and the seas and saw that it was good. But after a while, God grew tired of watching the water just sort of lay there and do nothing so he made the surf and the waves and saw that it was good. And for a long time God was happy.

But soon, God became bored once again. You can only watch the waves hitting the shore for so long before you begin saying to yourself, “If you’ve seen one wave, you’ve seen them all.”

So in his infinite wisdom God made the surf board and placed it on the shores of Malibu and Waimea. But amen I say unto you, the surfboard was lonely on the shore with nothing to do. So again, in all of his graciousness, God made the surfer man, who did praise unto God and did thus climb aboard the surfboard and rode the surf mightily from sea to shining sea and God saw that it was good.

On the last day, God rewarded man by bestowing upon him the bikini. And seeing that the bikini needed a little filling out, God created woman and slid her into the bikini. And when God saw what he had done, he knew that it was very very very good. And so did the surfer man. And he did thank God mightily.

We all have our guilty film pleasures. These are the movies that you may have watched at one time or another, movies that have for the most part been trashed by the critics and/or public, or movies that should not be viewed with any relevance if you consider yourself a real film connoisseur. In other words, a snob.

It’s not the fact that you watched these cinematic exercises that make them a guilty pleasure. It’s the fact that you have probably watched them several times and even enjoy watching them when you do. I have quite a few movies like this that I generally don’t own up to them as being favorites in public company. But I have decided to cleanse my soul, not only by admitting that I have actually seen Ride The Wild Surf, but that I actually enjoy watching it. All of this even though I know deep down in my heart its not a very good movie. But something must make it worth watching.

Now don’t get me wrong. I absolutely abhor the vast wasteland of surfing movies from the sixties that starred Frankie, Annette, and the dumbest group of overaged 25 to 30 year olds pretending to be teenagers ever to hit the big screen. Most young guys like myself went to films like Beach Party and Beach Blanket Bingo simply to ogle at the female flesh shoved inside some rather flimsy material. And every once in a while there would be some rock group come on to play a lame song so that you could watch the gals shake that booty for all it was worth. As to why any teenage girls went to these movies, you may have to ask one of them because I don’t really know and have never asked although I have my suspicions.

But still, even with a bunch of scantily clad gorgeous females, (except for Annette. Her bathing suit was always very chaste and so was she which probably made her seem hotter than she was), the movies were difficult to sit through. Even at the age of thirteen and fourteen I knew they were idiotic and was bored with anything that happened plot wise when the music quit and the jiggling stopped. I personally wanted to strangle Eric Von Zipper just to get him off the screen.

But nothing is etched in stone and there are in fact a couple of these surfing type movies that I actually enjoyed. Well, technically, you can’t really call the two that I like Beach Movies because neither actually fit the criteria even if they were directed at that particular audience. Of those two movies, the one that serves our purposes for this review is Ride the Wild Surf.

The reason Ride the Wild Surf was a cut above the norm is because instead of third grade level comedy capers, it decided it wanted to go in an opposite direction. The producers, directors, the writers, and powers above decided to take the genre and turn it upside down by featuring a bunch of people who could act (somewhat), several romances that didn’t rely on anyone being kidnapped by a klutzy motorcycle gang, and instead of third grade comedy you get fourth grade dramedy. Hey, an improvement is an improvement so don’t be so judgmental.

Oh yeah, Ride the Wild Surf has a lot of something else. It has a whole bunch of surfing in it which is something that the Beach Party movies never had very much of, even though supposedly they were about surfers.

Put on your thinking caps and try to keep up as I give you the plot synopsis. Three surfers, Jody (Fabian), Chase (Peter Brown), and Steamer (Tab Hunter), travel to Hawaii to surf the really big waves there that you can’t seem to find on the shores of California. Sort of the last big thrill before they move on with their sad and wretched lives. And of course, it doesn’t take long for our three heroes to get connected with their love interests.

Steamer, meets his gal pal first when she shows up on a beach riding a horse. He finds out later that her name is Lily Kalua (Susan Hart) and that she lives on a farm with her mother (Catherine McLeod) who absolutely hates surfers. She hates them because her husband decided to get on his surfboard and catch a wave down to Borneo. When you meet Mrs. Kalua, you’ll understand why.

Speaking of the luau, during the party Chase watches as Augie Poole (Barbara Eden) does hand to hand combat with one of the guys. She loses that match but then goads Chase into a match after he calls her a girl nut. Since Augie is a black belt she quickly pins Chase and demands that Chase say Uncle. Chase, being the stuffed shirt that he is, says nothing and shows us what a sore loser he is. Later, Augie tracks him down and apologizes for having the audacity to lick him in a fair fight. Well, this was the sixties and women hadn’t even burned their first bra yet so please make allowances. What we find out though is that Augie is an adventurous fun loving gal, and Chase is just an old stick in the mud wanting to do nothing but spoil her fun.

As for Jody, his gal is Brie Matthews (Shelley Fabares whose other career consisted of playing Mary Stone on the Donna Reed Show, Francine Webster on One Day at a Time, and Christine Armstong on Coach). They get hooked up when Jody volunteers to take her to Augie who is with Chase since Augie and Brie are best friends. Jody’s big hangup is phonies. He hates phonies and since Jody thinks everyone is a phony to some extent, I guess he hates everybody.

Later, Brie tries to convince Jody that he shouldn’t have dropped out of college and that he could have back and make it if he really really tries. It is then that Jody decides to go for the King of the Surf title which will get his name on a surfboard by Phil and some cash to go back to college with. To do so, he must be the last surfer surfing at Waimea and outlast the previous years winner, Eskimo (James Mitchum, one of the begotten sons of Robert) in the process. But before that can happen, Jody faces a couple of problems. He accidentally tries to take another surfer’s nose off with his surboard and that surfer is out for revenge. To add to his misery, poor old Jody suffers a wipe out, and instead of wanting to conquer the waves some thirty feet high, he becomes Mr. Scaredy Britches. And of course he still has to deal with his “Everybody’s a phony” psychosis.

And that pretty much sums it up. In the middle of all of this high concept drama we get a lot of surfing as the guys surf this beach and that beach while they wait for the waves at Waimea to come up. At one point you might get confused thinking they are at the same beach on the same day but they are not. I figured this out by listening more closely to the narrator, and by noticing that Brie and Augie’s bathing suits kept changing colors as they sat in the sand ogling their surfer guys whom they have fallen madly in love with in just the short span of 24 hours or less.

As for the surfing, we get the funny kind and the real kind. The funny kind is when they show the stars against what obivously is a blue screen rear projection. It is very poorly done, so poorly in fact that it will actually have you laughing a bit. (Again, some of this can be seen in the attached video clips).

As for real surfing, obviously it is done by stunt doubles but what makes these scenes a huge cut above what you generally see in these types of films is that there was a real effort made to show us some pretty good surfing. And, they even made sure each and every real life surfer was wearing the exact same bathing suits as the stars did. And just so they didn’t get messed up on which suit was worn by who and on what day, both stars and stunt doubles wear the same bathing suits throughout the film. Of course, it could be that since the only thing these guys do is surf, and that holding a job might be a strange concept for them, they could only afford the one suit.

But either way you go you will like the surfing scenes and if not you can admire the beefcake if you are a truly red blooded American gal (or any gal from anywhere), and if you are a guy you can stare at Barbara Eden’s navel that she was never allowed to expose during five seasons of I Dream of Jeannie. Anyway, in my opinion two piece flowered bathing suit trumps harem outfit any old day of the week. And there’s something about Shelley Fabares’s very very bleached blonde hair that always has me debating as to whether she should have gone with that color for the rest of her career or not. Who knows, if she had she could possibly have been the next Marilyn....nah, just kidding. But it will grab your attention.

And where else do you get authenticism such as a big fat guy named Phil chewing on a cigar while he waxes surfboards and gives out truly authentic surfing commentary and advise? Heck, this movie is worth tuning into just to see Surfboards by Phil in action.

I think the thing about Ride the Wild Surf is that when you put it up against crap like Bikini Beach, Muscle Beach Party, Beach Blanket Bingo, or even How to Stuff a Wild Bikini, it comes off looking like a much better film than it probably is.

Although the various plots are a bit lame the actors involved manage to do a pretty good job working with very little. Many of these actors and actresses went on to further their career in some fashion or another. Fabian had some nice guest star roles in films like North to Alaska, Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation, The Longest Day and Five Weeks in a Balloon. I’ve already mentioned the television careers of Shelley Fabares and Barbara Eden. Even Tab Hunter has had some decent film roles over the years including a pretty good one in Damn Yankees.

If there is a weakest link in this ensemble it would have to be Susan Hart. She pretty much seems to sleepwalk through the movie with two expressions: glum and glummer. And we will not forgive we her taking up so much screen time doing that crappy dance at the luau. Now if she had done it on the beach in her bathing suit we might feel differently.

Now I know that despite what I say here, you’re not about to rush out and rent or buy this film. Still there are a lot of worse ways to go and you may want to slip it into your netflix queue out of curiosity as much as anything else. And it does give you a chance to see a lot of future TV stars, and film co-stars as they were beginning their careers. Then again, maybe the reason I like the film and watch it is because that I have this fantasy that in one of my viewings, Augie’s big rocket will somehow magically fly after all, and we’ll get to see it in all it’s glory instead of what really happens thanks to shmuck face Chase. And no, I’m not going to tell you.

So all in all, not a terrible way to go. You might even find youself humming along to the catchy end title theme song by Jan & Dean. Well, maybe not. But if I were to grade this film on Clyde’s sixties surfing movie curve, then I would have no choice but to give it my grade of C+. Until next time, Aloha.

Karla (2006)

2008-04-04T03:50:00.001-07:00

Starring
Laura Prepon as Karla Homolka
Misha Collins as Paul Bernardo

A few weeks back I had the movie Karla in my netflix queue. I had not read a single review of the film and had put it in my list more out of curiosity than anything else. So when it showed up on Netflix Watch Now I took it out of my queue and watched it on the computer instead.

I do know that there were many who were upset about this film being made, especially in Canada where the events took place. I only know about it because it seemed that every cable network from Court-TV to MSNBC that has at least one true crime drama show on the air, has highlighted the Karla Homolka/Paul Bernardo case at sometime or another. For those of you who missed any of these here’s a quick synopsis taken from the Official Karla Movie site:

The most notorious serial killers in the history of Canada begin their psychological dance with death and depravity as an entire country is held captive in fear. In stunningly acclaimed performances, Laura Prepon ("That 70's Show" , "Come Early Morning") and Misha Collins (TV's "24") breathe perverse life into their real life counterparts of Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka, dubbed by an anxious press, the "Ken and Barbie Killers". As the gruesome events unfold, and lovely young girls disappear, the utter lack of remorse from Paul coupled with his quirky charisma paint a delusional world of normalcy for Karla. Police frantically search for and eventually put an end to the couple's horrific killing spree, and their trial captivates the entire nation setting off waves of controversy surrounding the brutal killings. In the end, this gripping, tension-packed film will haunt you forever, to ponder the psyches of two individuals in a tragically demented relationship & because it's true.

Okay well, what did you expect? They are trying to sell you a DVD so they aren’t about to say their film sucks are they?

There are many reasons besides Priority One (Priority One in film making is to make money) to make a film about true life crimes, especially one as recent as this. You can do it to simply exploit the subject matter as much as possible knowing that a certain chunk of society will always flock in to see gore, sex, and violence. Sometimes a film like Karla will be made in order to explore the psychological makeup of the killers so that we might have a better understanding of what drove them to commit the crime (Also known as Abusive Childhood 101). At other times these real life crime dramatizations might have their own perspective which will show us that possibly an innocent person may be doing time for a crime they didn’t commit. Whether there were any such underlying reasons for Writer/Director Joel Bender to make this film we may never know as none of these things seem to apply to the finished product. It’s as if it exists in a void of it’s own and that Bender himself doesn’t really know why he made this film.

While the film has a few tense moments, for the most part they are way too few to say that this film was made for exploitation purposes. The killings and rapes for the most part take place out of camera range although we do hear what is going on and we do see the aftermath of what occurs. And we always see how it affects Karla as if somehow Karla standing by and watching teenage girls be raped and murdered will make us sympathize with her. Yeah, right.

We already know for sure that Karla along with her boyfriend Paul are guilty, so there is really no new information regarding the crime to be brought to the screen. So you would think that Bender would at least explore the psychological makeup of the killers and why Karla would let her soon to be husband drug her sister, rape her, and then moments later watch as she dies from choking on her own vomit (Note: in the film they do try to revive her, and call an ambulance after she is dead).

For the rest of the film we are led to believe that Paul held the death of her sister over Karla’s head, thus enabling him to have some kind of complete mind control. And just to be on the safe side, he beats on her occasionally just to make sure she’s an obedient little wife.

An interesting enough scenario I suppose, but it really tells us nothing new. In fact, instead of exploring any and all possibilities, this film ends up as nothing more than a recreation of the events as they happened in the Gospel According to Karla Homolka. And the problem as always with Karla’s story has been is that there is no explanation at all as to why she would help Paul rape her sister in the first place (It’s because I loved him so much doesn’t cut it) and Bender’s film does not even make an attempt to explain it. It’s almost as if Karla had script approval before the first camera rolled.

In the end, Bender’s decision to play so loose with the facts and to make the crimes seem somewhat less horrific than they really were works against the film. We are horrified by the events, but never feel the impact of them as we should. By the time the credits roll, it turns out that you would have been better off spending your time watching one of those true crime story recreations on MSNBC, A & E or even just reading about it on the Court TV web site.

I can’t fault Laura Prepon’s performance as Karla. The character is so thinly written that she’s really not given anything to work with other than crying when she’s beaten, crying when Paul rapes and kills, and simply looking scared the rest of the time. Misha Collins does better in his meatier role as Paul which requires him to act completely deranged and psychotic part of the time, and then act like someone who might probably be deranged and psychotic the rest of the time. Give him either an Ax or steel fingers and he could star in the Freddy vs. Jason and portray both parts.

Don’t get me wrong. The film wasn’t entirely a waste of time. It was interesting to watch on about the same level as watching Forensic Files on Court TV. Well maybe not that interesting. And if you can’t be any more interesting than that I have no choice but to give you my grade which for Karla would be a very unmerciful C-.